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Testing Parents' Nerves on Vacations

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Dr. James Dobson

Published: December 4, 2007

QUESTION: Why is it that children are often the most obnoxious and irritating on vacations and at other times when parents specifically try to please them? On those special days, you'd think the kids would say to themselves, "Wow! Mom and Dad are doing something really nice for us, taking us on this great vacation. We're going to give them a break and be really good kids today." Isn't that reasonable?

DR. DOBSON: Sure it's reasonable, but children just don't think that way. In fact, many boys and girls misbehave even more at these times. Why is this? One reason, I think, is because children often feel compelled to reexamine the boundaries whenever they think they may have moved. In other words, whenever the normal routine changes, the tougher kids often push the limits to see if the old rules still apply.

QUESTION: how can parents preserve their own peace of mind and maintain harmony during car trips and family holidays?

DR. DOBSON: Sometimes it helps to redefine the boundaries at the beginning of your time together. Let the children know exactly what you're doing and what's expected of them. If they still misbehave, respond with good, loving discipline right from the start.

No parent wants to be an ogre on vacation, but it helps to show a little firmness at the outset that can make the rest of the time together fun for the entire family.

QUESTION: I am a grandmother who is blessed to have 14 grandchildren. I often take care of them and love just having them over. However, I would like to do more for them than just baby-sit. What can I do to really make an impact on their lives?

DR. DOBSON: Grandparents have been given powerful influence on their grandchildren if they will take the time to invest in their lives. There is so much to be accomplished while they are young. Another of the great contributions you can make is to preserve the heritage of your family by describing its history to children and acquainting them with their ancestors.

The lyrics of an African folk song say that when an old person dies, it's as if a library has burned down. It is true. There's a richness of history in your memory of earlier days that will be lost if it isn't passed on to the next generation.

To preserve this heritage, you should tell them true stories of days gone by. Share about your faith, about your early family experiences, about the obstacles you overcame or the failures you suffered. Those recollections bring a family together and give it a sense of identity.

There was a wonderful lady in our family, my great-grandmother (Nanny), who helped raise me from babyhood. She was already old when I was born and lived to be nearly one-hundred years of age. I loved for her to tell me tales about her early life on the frontier.

A favorite story involved mountain lions that would prowl around her log cabin at night and attack the livestock. She could hear them growling and moving past her window as she lay in bed.

Nanny's father would try to shoot the cats or chase them away before they killed a pig or a goat. I sat fascinated as this sweet lady described a world that had long vanished by the time I came on the scene.

Her accounts of plains life helped open me to a love of history, a subject which fascinates me to this day.

The stories of your past, of your childhood, of your courtship with their grandfather, etc., can be treasures to your grandchildren.

Unless you share those experiences with them, that part of their history will be gone forever. Take the time to make "yesterday" come alive for the kids in your family, and by all means, pass your faith along to the next generation.

Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995( www.family.org). Questions and answers are excerpted from "Solid Answers" and "Bringing Up Boys," both published by Tyndale Hous

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