TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

Daughter Ponders What To Give Father's Caregivers

ADVERTISEMENT

By LYN ROCHE, Tribune Correspondent

Published: December 7, 2007

Hello Lyn: My father has 24/7 care in his home. He has dementia, yet is quite independent. His caregivers cook and otherwise just keep an eye on him as he continues to do his "chores." (In other words, he doesn't require any "hands-on" care.) My question is: What is considered an appropriate gift for these wonderful people? I want them to know how much I appreciate their help. I don't know if it's appropriate to give cash. Can I give different gifts to each person? Do I give gifts to the helpers who work for agencies? Is there a "formula" like one day's pay?

Any help you can give me will be greatly appreciated. I'm sure there are others pondering this same question! Thanks so much. I'll look for your answer in 4You. PLEASE HURRY!!!!! — E-mail from Margo

Dear Margo: Showing appreciation to those who care for our loved ones is appropriate — whether the care is at home or in a care facility. Your questions are excellent.

I've talked with agency owners and to individuals who perform the actual care. Most believe it is not advisable to give cash. One owner told me he doesn't allow his employees to accept cash gifts.

Serious problems and misunderstandings can occur when family members or care recipients themselves give cash or material gifts to caregivers. Confused, yet grateful elderly loved ones often offer money to caregivers. Some give away possessions family members want kept in the family. Wise caregivers refuse both.

Give meaningful cards expressing your gratitude. For independent helpers, consider adding gifts of food like a turkey, ham, candy, fruit or a gift certificate to a local restaurant. For those who work for agencies or care facilities, always check with their employers before giving gifts. Having pizzas delivered to agencies and care facilities is an excellent way of showing appreciation to all the employees. Remember to include every shift.

Dear Lyn: My favorite aunt recently had to move into a nursing home. She gave up her nice apartment and most of her things. I want to get her something special for Christmas, but with the downsizing she just did, what should I get her? — Josie

Dear Josie: Here's hoping that before you shop you'll have the opportunity to observe your aunt's new surroundings and limited space with gift-giving in mind. Expensive jewelry and costly items are no longer appropriate, since things can inadvertently become lost in care facilities. Yet, you want to give her something meaningful.

If her room is on the first floor, perhaps you could have a bird feeder installed where she can see it easily from her window. Keep it filled with seed and include a gift-wrapped bird book so she can enjoy identifying the birds that visit her feeder.

Take her out to a holiday concert, if appropriate. Purchase a music box that plays one of her favorite tunes. Make her a wall collage of family photos. You know her tastes and once you're familiar with her new home, gift ideas will come easily.

Be considerate of your aunt's ability when you wrap her presents. Loosely tie packages with wide ribbon. Don't make knots. Avoid using tape.

"Sharing The Care," which I co-authored with my husband, has 21 pages listed in the index devoted to gifts for residents of care facilities. However, no matter what you give your aunt, it's your thoughtfulness and your presence that matter most.

Lyn Roche is the author of "Coping With Caring: When Someone You Love Has Alzheimer's or a Related Condition" and "Sharing The Care: When Someone You Love Resides in and Adult Care Facility." Write Lyn Roche at Journey Publications, POB 433, Sebring, FL 33871 or lyn@thecaregivers
caregiver.com. Visit her Web site at www.thecaregiverscaregiver.com

Share this:

Loading Comments...

Email Print

ADVERTISEMENT