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The difference between confidence and cockiness

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By BOB WEINSTEIN, Special Sections correspondent

Published: December 9, 2007

It's not hard to become cocky when you're very good at something. Smart IT people easily can fall into the cocky moat. Most times they're not even aware of it. That's because it doesn't happen quickly, but over time.

Take programming, for example. Many programmers who went on to be christened software developers (experienced senior programmers who earn a lot of money and get to work on massive software projects) love what they do. In fact, most of them can trace their passion all the way back to their teens, when they spent all their spare time dabbling and experimenting with code. Some top developers are self-taught. While their friends played baseball and soccer, they burned the midnight oil mastering programming languages.

They took their passion into the workplace and built formidable careers, often moving onto different IT paths. They became consultants, security or networking specialists and senior project managers with the responsibility of overseeing massive, multimillion-dollar IT projects. The best of the lot somehow managed to keep their feet planted firmly on the ground, never letting their abilities and power inflate their egos to the point where they became cocky.

Somewhere along that mystical self-development path they learned the difference between cocky and confident.

John Agno, a career coach in Ann Arbor, Mich., has a lot to say about confidence and cockiness. "Confidence is powerful but subtle," he says, while cockiness is often based on an inflated or false sense of your own abilities.

Confident people are better prepared to deal with others, according to Agno. Based upon constant interaction, they've learned how to read people, size them up and, most important, manage them to achieve goals.

Confident managers bring out the best in others. They know how to "employ strategy to get a desired action," Agno says. "They know what questions to ask in order to gather information to make sound, well-thought-out decisions. They've learned how to anticipate obstacles so they can sidestep potential roadblocks in order to reach their objectives."

Cocky people, on the other hand, have a tendency to shoot from the hip and often make rash, illogical decisions. "They don't understand the impact their forceful personalities have on others," Agno adds.
One of the biggest mistakes cocky managers make is failing to listen to others, Agno says. If you can't listen to what others have to say, you won't be able to ask good questions and gather and evaluate information so good decisions are made.

Agno says confidence is built through self-discovery and awareness. An aware person is in touch with himself and his surroundings. He doesn't take anything for granted. He's learned to observe and monitor his feelings and reactions before he acts. A cocky person often will act rashly and impulsively and not think about the consequences of his actions. He'll rely more on his instincts than his intellect, whereas a confident person has learned to employ both intellect and instinct and keep his emotions in check.

Decision-makers such as CEOs and CIOs are all about developing the confident workers under them, asserts Rich Gee, president of Rich Gee Coaching in Stamford, Conn. "These are the potential leaders who not only can accomplish great things, but they also have the power to motivate and inspire others," he says. "They are so comfortable with themselves, they radiate confidence and can handle themselves in any kind of a situation."

Cocky workers, on the other hand, usually wind up short-circuiting themselves because they turn people off, Gee says. "Typically, they'll reach a ceiling and stay there, because they've alienated too many people."

In most organizations, everyone is vying for power. The people who make it to the top share common traits, Gee says. "They're obviously good at what they do, exude confidence and they also have the good sense not to alienate their peers, subordinates and, most importantly, senior management."

A brilliant but cocky worker, however, always is destined to bring up the rear, Gee adds.
How do you see yourself? Are you confident or cocky? Don't be too quick to answer. If you fall into the latter category, you'd be wise to figure out why and then do something about it pronto.

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