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Read On For Help With Your Holiday Update

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By Steve Otto, The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 12, 2007

I don't have to tell you what today is except that you'd better watch out, and you'd better not cry cause time is running out. If that's not bad enough, the mail today is going to remind you even more that once again you are late getting out those holiday cards ... and after all those promises you made last year.

It's not just the cards. For some reason there seems to be more and more "Christmas letters," multipage epics in great detail from friends and relatives recounting every illness, Little League game, kid's grade-point average and trip to Disney World.

Not to worry because once again this column is ready at the rescue with our annual "Generic Tampa Bay Holiday Letter." All you have to do is take out scissors, clip below this paragraph, sign your name at the bottom, and ship it off to your Northern relatives. Make as many copies as you want or help us out down here at the Type and Gripe factory and go out and buy a stack of newspapers and send the original paper.

One Generic Holiday Letter
Greetings one and all from the sunny Tampa Bay area:

Well it's been another great year down here for all of us. Once again it's beginning to look like we won't be having a white Christmas. Ha ha, it sure looks like you've already had your share of cold and the wet stuff up there.

We still have the air conditioner on down here. Can you believe it?

Things have been going well, although I have to tell you we won't be able to send you anything fancy this year for Christmas. Our property taxes have gone out of sight and home insurance ... well, let me tell you. Down here insurance is so expensive most everyone in our neighborhood has to buy it from the state and it ain't cheap. That's right. I mean, we even have to have flood insurance.

Fortunately we had another good year hurricane-wise, which is going to help explain that gift basket of canned tuna and batteries.

I wish you could see how the city has grown since you all last visited. Of course, that Trump Tower thing never happened, but everyone says it's only a matter of time before downtown Tampa is a happening place.

They didn't quite get to the art museum, either, but over in St. Petersburg there's talk of a downtown baseball stadium with a sail for a roof. Sounds weird, but they'll probably have it ready before our art museum is.

An Abundance Of Beads

Maybe you all can see it if you come down in February for the fair and Gasparilla. I did tell you about Gasparilla, didn't I? It's sort of like Mardi Gras with pirates and beads. Lots of beads. That's why there are those beads in the basket with the tuna. You wouldn't believe what the little lady had to do to get those for you.

Sports were big around here again, just like they are every year. Did you read about our University of South Florida Bulls? For a week they were ranked second in the country, and I even went out and bought that hat with the horns. The team slipped, but I still wear the horns, mostly when we're out at restaurants. No one bothers us.

Right now everyone is excited about some big cracks in the water reservoir. The experts say there isn't anything to worry about, but I notice the cost of that flood insurance has gone up.

That's about it from here in sunny Florida. I guess I'll go make some tuna sandwiches.

Steve Otto's column appears on Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

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