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Column: Hogan Beams Excuses From Planet Zircon

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By Daniel Ruth

Published: December 13, 2007

About halfway through the deposition of phony wrestler Dolt Hogan, Pinellas/Pasco Assistant State Attorney Scott Rosenwasser had to be thinking to himself: "This dim bulb has to be dumber than a sack of aardvarks.

"Does this guy even know he's alive?"

After all, a young man, Iraqi War veteran John Graziano, lingers in a hospital with severe brain damage as a result of the dubious driving skills of Hogan's lad, Nick Bollea, and here was the aging faux ring buffoon defending his son's hapless conduct behind the wheel of a car.

But what was the real revelation coming out of the deposition of the elder Hogan/Bollea? Simply this: Hogan and his ditzoid estranged wife, Linda, weren't so much parents to their son, but enablers of his highly inflated opinion of his ability to operate a motor vehicle without becoming a weapon of mass litigation.

Allowing this ne'er-do-well anywhere near a set of keys would have been like putting Uday and Qusay in charge of the Miss Universe Pageant.

Bollea has been charged with reckless driving with serious bodily injury associated with the Aug. 26 wreck in Clearwater that caused Graziano's horrific brain trauma.

Not Even A Pedal Car

Graziano was a passenger in the high-performance Toyota Supra driven by the 17-year-old Bollea, who was racing against a family friend driving Hulk Hogan's Dodge Viper.

The muscle-bound oaf certainly had to know his hapless son had no business driving a pedal car, much less a souped-up hot rod.

Just months earlier, Hogan was a passenger himself when his "Deliverance"-esque offspring was stopped not once, but twice within minutes on Alligator Alley for driving more than 100 mph.

The presence of Hogan, the poster child of make-believe bravado, may explain why Florida Highway Patrol troopers let the kid walk on the first traffic stop, but not the second when young Master Bollea essentially extended a middle finger toward the officers who had given him a break only to continue to speed.

Daddy Turnbuckle

And where was Daddy Turnbuckle during all this? Did he tell his son to slow down? Did he think of taking over the driving himself? Did he act in any way like an - adult?

Would it have made the slightest difference in the events of Aug. 26 if Hulk Hogan and his estranged Mommie Clueless, who enjoys drag racing on city streets herself (go ahead and slap your forehead, everyone else is) had been more disciplined toward their son's driving privileges?

Sadly, we'll never know. Neither will John Graziano. Never.

At one point, Rosenwasser asked Pulp Hogan, in light of his son's abysmal driving record, including numerous traffic tickets, whether it might ever have dawned on the sham wrestler that maybe it would be a bad idea to let Nick Bollea behind the wheel of a powerful car.

Instead Hogan insisted his son was a very good driver - absent the court appearances, traffic citations, tow-truck bills, insurance premiums and emergency room visits.

A very good driver? Oh really? Is that so?

Tell ya what, Mr. Dope Hogan. Let's see if you're man enough to go whisper in John Graziano's ear what a great driver your son is.

Keyword: Book of Ruth to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

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