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These Parasites Are Real Holiday Humbugs

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By PHILIP MORGAN | The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 14, 2007

For this special holiday wishes edition of Hypochondriac's Corner, we describe some maladies to make you grateful — that you avoided them this year.

It also serves as a shopping guide of worries for hypochondriacs bored with their current afflictions.

The material comes courtesy of "The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have," by Dennis DiClaudio (Bloomsbury, 2006). It came out as a stocking stuffer last year — I received two copies as gifts — but its message is timeless.

Here, we provide a few morsels of misery from the parasite section:

Candiru infection — The candiru is a good reason not to relieve yourself while swimming in the Amazon River. It's a species of catfish, about an inch long, that's attracted to the nitrogen in the urine stream. It follows that nitrogen right to the source. Then it worms its way into the swimmer's intestinal tract, where it spreads its sharp spines to draw blood — nourishment for growth. It's painful, to say the least, and surgery is the only way to remove it.

DiClaudio advises staying out of the Amazon and Orinoco Rivers of South America. Actually, "stay home and rent a movie. It's much safer."

Ascariasis — This roundworm, when it gets lucky, spends most of its life in a well-nourished small intestine where it can grow to 18 inches long. It feeds on your digesting food and causes abdominal pain, weight loss, diarrhea and other miseries. The female roundworm lays thousands of eggs, and the larvae burrow into the blood stream, where they migrate to the lungs and cause hemorrhaging. Then they move to the pharynx, where they're swallowed and return home.

People catch it by eating vegetables from soil contaminated by feces.

DiClaudio's advice: "Do not eat food."

Cerebral spraganosis — More prevalent in Southeast Asia, these tapeworms start as larvae that migrate from dog or cat feces to water sources. There, they're eaten by water fleas, which are eaten by birds, reptiles and small mammals until the parasite returns home to a dog, cat — or you. On rare occasions, the worms make it to the brain, causing confusion, memory loss and seizures. A surgeon must remove them.

Ocular Loiasis — Who could envision 2-inch worms growing in your eyeball? It's more of a problem in West and Central Africa, where a deerfly bite can pass along the larvae of the Loa Loa worm. The larvae grow to maturity in several years, often ending up in the eyeball. It cause visual impairment and pain.

DiClaudio recommends: "If you a see deerfly that looks hungry, walk away."

Crusted scabies — Mites that burrow under the skin and cause an itchy rash are democratic; they go after people of all social levels throughout the world. Most of the time, you have only a dozen or two to worry about. Norwegian scabies are not a different type of mite, just more of them — hundreds or even thousands. They bite through the flesh, leaving eggs and feces behind, and they itch like crazy. The skin grows calloused and thick and scales of dead skin fall from your body. Anything you touch can infect others.

Doctors prescribe creams for the condition and advise you to wash all linens, towels and clothes in hot water and throw them in a hot dryer.

Have a wonderful holiday, and try not to let things bug you.

Reach Philip Morgan at (813) 259-7609 or pmorgan@tampatrib.com.

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