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The Property Insurance Razzle Dazzle

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 20, 2007

Folks, once again we've been had.

We elected leaders who said they would take all the insurance companies in Florida by the lobes of their ears, drag them to the courts and force them to reduce the exorbitant rates being levied upon us.

We're still waiting.

We've been razzled and dazzled by smooth-talking dudes in $5,000 suits.

If you've seen the movie musical "Chicago," you remember the play takes place in the Roaring Twenties. A wannabe stage queen is accused of murdering her lover. Yes, she did it. She's guilty and she tells her lawyer she's afraid of the verdict.

Her lawyer, played by Richard Gere, smiles, starts tap dancing and tells her not to worry. The truth isn't what it's all about, he proclaims. What it's all about is how you razzle-dazzle the judge and the jury.

After he smothers the truth and buries the facts, she's found not guilty and life goes on.

Of all the movies I've seen, "Chicago" is my favorite. It's really not hard to picture the actors as the elected leaders of our state, surrounded by rate-payers and insurance lawyers in the courtroom scene.

Stage right: The governor comes out firing. "What the insurance companies are doing to the good citizens of this state is a crime!"

Stage left, me: "I'm fired up. He's serious. He's going to make something happen!"

The insurance company representative smiles, starts tap dancing and says: "My friends, do you know if a hurricane wipes out Miami today, the cost to the insurance companies would be over $80 billion? Now don't say it can't happen. Remember the Category 4 storm that hit Miami a few years back?"

"I can feel your pain," lament the legislators, many of whom have accepted money from the insurance companies.

"We now agree that the rates are not nearly as high as they should be."

The play ends, the insurance executives leave in their limos and the governor doesn't know what hit him. Now that the verdict is known, the people are expected to quit complaining.

The lights go up, but my moment of euphoria crashes like a $100 laptop bought in an alley off Florida Avenue. My property insurance rates went up again.

The hurricane referred to by the insurance company happened in 1926, and nothing much happened again until Hurricane Andrew hit south of Miami in 1992.

The supercomputers programmed by the insurance companies predicted huge storms for 2006 and 2007, but they never happened.

And no elected official to my knowledge calculated the amount of money pocketed by the insurance companies during the long, hurricane-free span. The large storms have been paid for and the insurance companies continue to make large profits.

As I hear them crying all the way to the bank, I smile to myself and say, "Louie, you have been razzled and you have been dazzled."

I should be mad, and I am.

But looking on the bright side, I had the fortune (or should I say misfortune) of witnessing the greatest snake-oil performance of all time.

I guess I just love a good con.

Louis (Louie) Artalona, retired, is working on his second career as a Mafia novelist and lives in Walden Lake.

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