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Judy's Gift: An Inconvenient Holiday Message

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 21, 2007

One of my late wife's last requests was that I continue retelling her story. She wanted to encourage smokers to rise above the insidious addiction that eventually took her life.

My wife and I have always loved the holiday season, but in December 2000, our exposure to hustle and bustle is restricted to watching doctors and dedicated nurses save lives.

There are only five more shopping days to Christmas, and I am writing from a thoracic surgery ward. Between each line, I watch helplessly as my love struggles valiantly to survive. Judy is recovering from a pneumonectomy (lung removal). During the surgery, her vocal cord was paralyzed. No longer will I, our girls or grandchildren hear familiar words of love and encouragement from this special lady.

Christmas will be uncharacteristically quiet this year, and it will be lonely. Our family understands that barring a miracle, it will be Judy's last. Yet hugs and kisses will be in short supply because in her weakened condition, catching a germ or virus could end things much too quickly. Suddenly, every moment is precious - beyond anything either of us could have imagined.

The experience has left us with a heightened respect for life. Never again will we take the dawn of a new day or the presence of loved ones for granted. Ironically, six months prior to being diagnosed with lung cancer, Judy had finally managed to give up smoking.
Lung cancer is, in large part, a smoker's disease. Addicts continue killing themselves and damaging the health of innocent loved ones who have no choice in the matter. Denial allows smokers to dismiss their addiction as a "filthy habit." But playing Russian roulette with human life makes no sense - the cost is much too high. My wife is paying with her life.

Advertisers promote the benefits of their products but are seldom held accountable for presenting the whole truth. If tobacco companies were forced to declare what their product actually does for the consumer, their ads would show emaciated victims gagging spasmodically as they cough up blood.

Judy met such a victim - in the mirror. It was a terrifying and heartbreaking experience. A great philosopher once said, "Nothing focuses the mind like the shadow of the gallows." The following message is in my wife's own words:

"It's not so much the physical pain of surgery or worrying about the traumatic end that awaits me. Nor is it accepting that I will never again participate in family activities that I love. What is really getting to me is having to face fear in the eyes of my loved ones. It hurts to not have a satisfactory answer for my inquisitive grandchildren. They don't understand what is happening. Putting one's family through such anguish is unforgivable. I continued to smoke, in spite of evidence that pinpoints cigarette smoking as the No. 1 cause of lung cancer. Please, I beg of you, do whatever it takes to quit smoking.

"I have lost a lung, shortened my life and sabotaged a loving family. I knew better but procrastinated. Now it's too late. If you can't quit smoking for yourself, for God's sake stop for family and friends - they deserve better."

- Judy McNeil, December 20, 2000

Judy died the following May.

Art McNeil is an executive coach with TEC Florida. He lives in South Tampa.

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