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Help Kids Overcome 'I Want It Now'

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: December 23, 2007

You're in the thick of the holiday shopping season and your youngster has a serious case of the gotta-have-it-now syndrome.

Talk about going in 60 million directions, without a worry about costs. One day it's an obsession for a laptop computer. Then he's all excited about the hot video game system. Two days later, he yearns for "Guitar Hero III."

Good grief. About the only thing not on your son's shopping list is a little something called delayed gratification.

Most children - and parents, too - are hard-wired to want cool, fun stuff. It's normal. But, says Kansas City, Mo., financial author Sheelagh Manheim, "your job is to overcome that desire with economic reality."

That said, how can you set reasonable limits with your youngster on what's affordable within the family budget and also tone down the consumption drive that hits especially hard this time of year?

Like many things, there's no one answer. What works for a 6-year-old may not be age-appropriate for a teen. Whatever the strategy, start with knowing where you want to end up. What's your goal? Is it to generate an understanding of wants and needs? Is it to teach a work ethic?

Here are a few tips to help your children overcome the "right now" mentality and become better consumers.

Get a job. The best way to slow down a child's consumption is to help him set goals and discuss how he plans to earn the money, said Susan Beacham, co-founder of The Money Savvy Generation. "At least it gets them to stop, think and reflect before the purchase," she said.

For example, Beacham said, if your son wants to upgrade his electronic game system, "post the goal and the plan and then leave it up to him to fulfill. If they earn the upgrade, it at least came as a result of reflection and true desire, not the satisfaction of an impulse."

And if they don't? "Then that's another great discussion to have with them when the inevitable upgrade discussion surfaces again," she said.

Debunk advertising. When watching television with the kids, pay attention to the commercials. Talk about the advertising pitches and whether your children believe all the product claims.

Do this subtly with older children, Beacham said:

"No child, especially a teen, wants to think they are being influenced, and they will shut down when they hear parents tell them they are being led by the nose by marketers to think one way or another. So only comment on the commercials that are pitching things to you, the parent, and point out the flaws. Kids will listen."

Donate. Shift the focus from spending to helping others.

"Give the kids something to do that's not focused on themselves," Manheim said.

Donating time, talent and money can be "an instant high," noted Beacham, "but only if it is something you do that is hands-on with the kids. Then they actually feel the high right away."

Set the example. What financial experts recommend for children holds equally true for parents.

Financial educator Elisabeth Donati of Creative Wealth International in Santa Barbara, Calif., said children will grasp the concept of delayed gratification if moms and dads "teach them that their needs will be met in a reasonable amount of time." But the problem, she said, is that "so many parents are not setting the proper example. They think they have to have all this stuff as well."

Her final thought: Don't be afraid to say "no."

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