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Family Adopts New Outlook

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: November 17, 2007

You've heard the horror stories. Adoption has gotten a bad rap in recent years.

To counteract some of that negative publicity, President Bush declared November to be National Adoption Month, honoring adoptive and foster parents who open their homes and hearts to children in need of a family.

We know all about the cases that go bad, from kids who end up in abusive homes to birth parents changing their mind mid-process to extended court battles over who has the legal rights to an abandoned child.

But if adoption proponents are in need of a poster couple as an example of what can go right, they can turn to Curtis and Kim Cook of Odessa.

"Go for it," says Curtis, a civil engineer. "It's been an incredible experience for us. I know some people are scared off or nervous by what could happen. But they need to know there are so many success stories you don't hear about."

The Cooks, members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, belong to a faith that believes strongly in family. Most Mormons I know have multiple children, far more than the national average of two per household.

Both Curtis and Kim, natives of Utah, have five siblings each. From the time they were married, they knew they would have a big clan.

But nature doesn't always cooperate.

Three years after they were married, along came Tanner, now 10 - but not without difficulties. A few years passed, and after fertility treatments and much prayer, the Cooks realized Tanner might be an only child.

That was devastating news.

"We grew up with brothers and sisters, and we wanted Tanner to have that same experience. We didn't want it to be just him," Kim says. "The best part of growing up for both of us was being part of a big family."

Deciding to adopt was a difficult decision. But once it was made, they felt buoyed and excited by the prospect of adding to their clan. In January 2002, the Cooks began the process of becoming eligible adoptive parents.

Early Opportunities Not 'Right'

They applied with their church's adoption agency, Florida LDS Family Services, which places infants with Mormon parents. Although raising the children within the church is not a written requirement, it's understood they will be baptized into the faith.

Even after they were approved, it was tough going. Twice, the couple turned down opportunities to adopt babies. Kim says the circumstances weren't right on both ends, and yet, she felt guilty.

"Here we wanted a baby so bad, but after prayer to our heavenly father, we didn't feel we were the right parents for these babies," she reflects. "I started to think I was a little crazy."

Then along came Melanie, a birth mother from Ohio, who selected the Cooks. This time, it felt right for Kim.

"You don't just find a child; you find THE child for your family," Kim emphasizes. "This is where our faith really comes in."

In this new world order of adoption, more adoptive parents are meeting with the birth mother. The Cooks kept in touch with the pregnant Melanie and began making plans to prepare for the baby's arrival. On Sept. 12, 2002, en route to Ohio, they got the word she had delivered a healthy girl.

During their visit, they were able to spend time with both the mother and some of her family members. Although Curtis bonded immediately with the infant, Kim didn't allow herself to get too carried away - until the mother signed the relinquishment papers three days later. She told the Cooks it was the hardest decision she ever had to make.

Although Mikiah Grace Cook, now 5, is biracial, Kim says she sees no difference between her and their biological child. They catch themselves saying things such as "she has my feet" and marvel how she and Tanner have nearly the same birthmark on the same part of their bodies.

"She changed our lives forever and brings us so much joy," Kim says of their daughter.

Although they don't stay in communication with Melanie - her choice, not theirs - Kim says they will always love the mother who made such an unselfish sacrifice so her child could be raised in a loving and stable home.

Along Comes Baby No. 2

Now the Cooks are in the process of adopting baby No. 2. This time, they were selected by a young mother who included them from the time she was 11 weeks along, from visits to the doctor and ultrasounds to a constant string of e-mails and phone calls and even the delivery.

Rebeca, who doesn't want her last name or hometown revealed for privacy purposes, was single and pregnant by a man she no longer dated. Like the Cooks, she's a member of the LDS church and found herself praying for divine guidance.

"Making the right choices in life sometimes is not the easiest thing to do," Rebeca says. But after meeting the Cooks, "I was impressed by their values and beliefs. They're exactly what I believe. They value family as the most important thing in the world. That's what I want for my baby."

Rebeca, 24, says she likes the title "birth mother." But Kim is definitely his mommy, she says.

"This is where he needs to be. I made the best decision for him, for us. For me and him," she says. She's finishing studies for her college degree and working in retail, and she hopes one day to marry and have more children.

"The heavenly father is good to us. He realizes that we all make wrong choices in life, but if we turn to him and pray, he gives us an opportunity to make a right choice from a mistake."

The Cooks regard Rebeca as a member of their family. They recently saw one another for the first time since Bryson's birth, and they stay in touch by telephone. They will let Bryson determine what kind of relationship he wants with Rebeca when he's older.

No matter what happens, the Cooks will always be able to tell their son about how much his birth mother loved him and be able to answer any questions he has about his heritage.

Don't let the bad stories scare you away. Adoption can be a beautiful thing. The Cooks feel like they're the luckiest couple in the world, and for good reason.

The Cooks and Rebeca meet for the first time since Bryson's birth on Michelle Bearden's "Keeping the Faith" segment at 9 a.m. Sunday on WFLA-TV. Michelle Bearden can be reached at (813) 259-7612 or mbearden@tampatrib.com.

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