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Published: November 21, 2007
Updated: 11/20/2007 11:12 pm
Elysian Fields Ahoy!
There are plans for a new St. Petersburg waterfront ballpark for the Rays, who recently dropped the Devil from their name (The devil reportedly threw a party).
Anyway, I want to float an idea whose time has come:
The floating baseball stadium.
Let's put the "Bay" in Tampa Bay Rays.
No more arguments about where a stadium should go.
It can go anywhere it wants.
Your ship has come in.
No more provincial squabbles between Tampa and St. Petersburg.
That's right, landlubbers.
It's both your ballparks.
Imagine 'The Ish'
I began kicking around this idea in May, while the Rays were playing the Rangers in their historic series at Disney World. I was talking with affable Rays president Matt Silverman. We were discussing the best place for a baseball stadium to bring together our cities.
Maybe a ship, we decided. Silverman laughed.
That's it, I said ... floats between cities, like a barge, a liner, a casino ship, a ...
Silverman excused himself. He was due back on Earth.
He has since joined fellow non-visionary, Rays owner Stuart Sternberg. They've apparently lashed themselves to that tired old idea of a land-based baseball stadium, the plan to be unveiled next Wednesday.
You want waterfront? How about waterfront, back and sides?
Call it Ishmael.
The Ish.
Let the world hold its breath over Moby Stadium.
Forget Tampa and St. Pete fighting over location. Instead, picture Cap'n Joe Maddon and his mates docking in each city before casting off and heading out for nine innings on a three-hour tour, a three-hour tour.
Imagine the thrill of seeing the Rays pitch - and roll. Eat your heart out, McCovey Cove. Hit one out anywhere of our park and it'll find the drink.
Imagine fans rejoicing over a Rays win in The Black Sox Offshore Gambling Room, on E Deck.
How does a luxury stateroom with field and Gulf views sound? How about making 30 knots, full steam ahead for fourth place? OK, how about Raymond the mascot coming down with scurvy?
Our baseball ship would be larger than the largest super tankers. Those Carnival and Norwegian liners would be shrimps next to The Ish.
The Queen Elizabeth II carries approximately 1,900 passengers.
Try 35,000 for Neptune, God of Sea/Brendan Harris Bobblehead Night.
Yes, there will be some initial seasickness at the new stadium, but the home team has lost 972 games in 10 seasons, so what's a little more sickness?
The Rays would be masters and commanders. Last I checked, 71 percent of the world is covered by water (In truth, I stopped checking after 66 percent; my shoes were wet).
Imagine that romantic cruise to the winter leagues.
Or a stop at the duty free shop behind home plate.
Or Carl Crawford leading school groups on submersible rides to the mysteries of the deep.
"That's the S.S. Naimoli over there. The sea was angry, my friend ..."
I can see Stu Sternberg on the bridge, the spray in his face, just like Magellan, really, just like, steering for open water, especially when attendance dwindles.
Is Las Vegas landlocked?
No Price Too High
True, it will cost a lot more. We'll have to raise the Sunshine Skyway to make clearance for our stadium. But is that too high a price to pay for civic pride? I'm going to say three words to you, just three:
Rays Fishing Pier.
Let's not let this be the one that got away.
Leonardo DiCaprio can throw out the first pitch Opening Night while Celine Dion sings "My Heart Will Go On" as the Rays leave port.
Seeing as St. Pete had them first, the ship can dock there first and ...
What's that, Tampa?
Well, maybe it can dock first on your side for half the games ...
What's that, St. Pete?
Right, there's 81 games, who gets the odd one?
Yes, I see your points.
Anybody have an iceberg I can borrow?
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