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Florida Fan (Gatorificus Swampi)

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: November 23, 2007

Psychological Profile

Depends on age. Fans older than 35 consider Georgia the biggest rival, and, like Boston Red Sox fans, can't shake an impending sense of doom despite recent success. Fans younger than 35 consider Tennessee or Florida State the biggest rival; many believe football was invented in 1990.

Traits

Leather-lunged and loyal, Florida fans also are unflaggingly resilient. They waited 85 years for the Gators to win their first official Southeastern Conference title; they've won six more since. Florida fans also are innovative. They invented the www.fire(coach's name here).com Web site.

Native Habitat

Florida Field (nicknamed The Swamp by former coach Steve Spurrier). Florida fans sit close together and can create a tremendous roar - among the loudest in the fanimal kingdom - when provoked. After three quarters of a game, they have been known to link arms and sway while singing "We Are The Boys of Old Florida."

Signature Move

The Gator Chomp.

How To Identify

Georgia fans insist that all Florida fans attire themselves in denim shorts, but anecdotal and empirical evidence proves otherwise. Because of their warm-weather habitat, most Florida fans dress less formally than the other members of the family SEC elito, though some members of the subspecies Frati kegstandicus do prefer the beat-up ballcaps and floppy haircuts of their conference neighbors.

If You See One

To get on a Florida fan's good side, sprinkle the words Tebow and stiff-arm into conversation. Praising the depth and talent of the SEC also helps. Avoid the phrases "fourth-and-dumb," "Choke at Doak" and "Run Lindsay, Run." Do not, under any circumstances, insinuate that Danny Wuerffel's numbers were a product of the system.

Andy Staples

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