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St. Pete Soldier Can't Leave Iraq For 'Granny's' Funeral

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By KEITH MORELLI | The Tampa Tribune

Published: November 29, 2007

Updated: 11/29/2007 06:21 pm

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ST. PETERSBURG - Melanie Ross buries her mother Friday after losing her one-woman war with the U.S. Army.

  James L. Ross III

Ross spent the week trying to get her stepson, Staff Sgt. James L. Ross III, home from Iraq for the funeral. She's been on the phone calling military officials at the Pentagon as well as her stepson's commanding officer in Iraq since her mother's death Monday.

The 27-year-old soldier, who wants to make a career out of the military, is serving his second tour in Iraq and has earned a Bronze Star for valor. He has received three other commendation medals, according to Maj. Jim Eldridge, who said Ross can be rightly described as a decorated soldier.

Melanie Ross can't understand why her stepson can't pay his respects to a woman who lived with the family from the time James Ross was a teenager. Ross' husband and the soldier's father, Jim Ross Sr., agreed.

"The big picture," he said, "is that my son has served two tours and has laid his life on the line, along with many others. Why can't they give him a break?"

Ross joined the Army in 2000, a year after graduating from high school, Melanie Ross said. His tour is up in June, she said.

Even Sandy Bolmer, the soldier's biological mother and the ex-wife of Jim Ross Sr., flew down from Kentucky to attend the funeral. Bolmer questioned the military's decision as well.

"This is very upsetting to him," she said. "How can he concentrate and stay focused when he wants to be here for this burial?"

Bolmer said her son was closer to his step-grandmother than he was to either of his biological grandmothers and he was granted two weeks' leave five years ago to attend the funeral for one of them.

She called her son a battlefield hero who deserves a break.

His Bronze Star was for stopping a suicide bomber trying to drive a vehicle into a compound where several military officers and civilian dignitaries were, Melanie Ross said. "There were 1,600 pounds of explosives in that car," she said.

"This young man is doing everything right. He is doing everything right."

Bolmer learned Tuesday that the decision to deny Ross' request for funeral leave was based on a determination that Ross and his step-grandmother were not close enough.

Army regulations say emergency leave may be granted if the relative is an immediate family member or close step-relative. The ultimate decision, however, lies with a soldier's commanding officer. Step-grandmothers are not mentioned in the regulations.

A spokesman for the Army declined to talk specifically about Ross' case but confirmed that military policy gives commanders in the field the final say.

"We're not even going to field that one," said Army Lt. Col. Bob Tallman, in the public affairs division at the Pentagon. "That type of issue is handled in the chain of command. The commanders on the ground are the ones who make those determinations."

Melanie Ross disagrees with that call.

She's spent a good part of the week making arrangements to bury her mother and grappling with the military.

"I'm just trying to get my son home from Iraq," she said. "I've been trying to reason, ask, beg."

Her efforts included a call to the Pentagon on Wednesday, she said. But as of late Thursday afternoon, she had not heard back from any military officials who can reverse the decision, made by Ross' first sergeant on Tuesday.

On Thursday she was awaiting a call from a lieutenant in Iraq.

James Ross' step-grandmother, Norma Jean Kerr Reams, died early Monday. She was 77 and had lived in St. Petersburg since 1963. When her husband died several years ago, Kerr Reams moved in with the Rosses and lived there while James Ross was growing up. He called her Granny, his mother said.

"First thing on Monday afternoon," Melanie Ross said, "I got hold of the Red Cross and sent a message asking that my son please be released to come home for this funeral because he was very close with his grandmother. They had a bond like you would not believe."

She said the family was infuriated by the reason for the denial.

His first sergeant, she said, "looked at my son and said, 'I just don't think you're close enough to your grandmother to go.' First of all, he is not God to make that decision. Second of all, he does not know how close my son was to his grandmother.

"They were very close," she said. "They went on every vacation together. Mom was a widow, and he used to hang around her, making sure she was OK."

The whole situation is disturbing for Melanie Ross. "My son's talking about re-enlisting in December," she said. "I'm trying to talk him out of it."

James Ross III is married to Sarah and she lives in Kansas at Fort Riley. She gave birth to a daughter, Lizzie, in May. Ross did get leave to come home for that, his relatives said, but only for a few days.

Reporter Keith Morelli can be reached at (813) 259-7760 or kmorelli@tampatrib.com.

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