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Guide For Arab Visitors And Foreign Students

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: October 14, 2007

OK, let's face it - times have changed. The United States is in a war against an enemy that can look like you and me. If you're brown-skinned and from any Middle Eastern or Asian country (I was born in Pakistan), and you're planning on visiting or studying in the United States, you're welcome to do so, but you need to obey all of our laws to the 't.'

However, there are some unwritten rules as well that you need to be mindful of, and since they're not really published anywhere, I have decided to reveal them here. Please read them before visiting or attending school here.

The vast majority of Americans are the friendliest you'll find anywhere and very accommodating, but if you feel that you can't live with these rules, I have a suggestion - stay home. We brown-skinned Americans have enough problems these days without your stupidity, ignorance, or malfeasance adding to them.

So take note:

• If you plan on traveling through the United States via car, stay on the major interstates only. You can use secondary highways but only if no secondary road passes near any type of a nuclear, water treatment or military facility. It's a better idea to travel by Greyhound and forget the car altogether. That way you don't have to worry about finding cheap gas, getting lost and ending up near a sensitive facility.

• If you wish to join us in celebrating Independence Day, please do so by going over to someone's home and enjoying their fireworks. Do not, I repeat, do not buy fireworks and attempt to set them off either alone or with any other brown-skinned friends.

• With respect to fireworks, the easiest rule of thumb is don't buy them or use them under any circumstances, and if you break this rule, don't store them anywhere in your car or on your person.

• If you have a plumbing problem in your apartment or house, do not try to fix it yourself. Call a plumber. If you decide to do it yourself, do not buy PVC piping by yourself. Send a friend, preferably white or black, to a plumbing store and have them bring it to you in their car. Under no circumstances are you to go to any store to pick up PVC pipe, and under no circumstances should you have any PVC pipe on your person, particularly one that is filled with any combustible compound.

• Speaking of stores, if you find yourself in one, here are the aisles and the items you must avoid:

1. Garden supplies (fertilizer and irrigation pipe)

2. Hardware (nails)

3. Toys (radio-controlled vehicles, marbles)

3. Firearms (obviously)

• Do not upload any videos with the words 'bomb,' 'martyr' or 'jihad.'

•Do not download any videos with the words 'bomb,' 'martyr' or 'jihad.'

•Do not view any videos with the words 'bomb,' 'martyr' or 'jihad.'

•If you find yourself lost in or near any rural town in the U.S., particularly in the South, have a legitimate reason for being there. A reason should include proof of final destination, trip planning papers with a route of travel and notes from friends or relatives attesting to your final destination.

•Do not exceed the speed limit if you stray from your planned route or from major interstates.

• If you do speed and get pulled over and you've broken any of these rules during your stay, you've got nobody to blame but yourself for the severe consequences.

Now, some of you visitors and students may think these rules are unfair and capricious. You're right; they are. But these are strange days in the world, and this nation has to be extra careful.

Sam Rashid, a naturalized American born in Pakistan, is a Brandon businessman and political activist.

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