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Surviving Mom Works to Prevent Suicide

Cheryl Bentley/SUNCOAST NEWS

Trish McGuire has kept a memory book of her daughter Melissa. Melissa committed suicide when she was 22.

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By Cheryl  Bentley | The Suncoast News

Published: September 15, 2007

She was named Melissa after "sweet Melissa" in the Allman Brothers Band song.

Just as the Melissa in the song casts a spell, Tarpon Springs resident Trish McGuire's Melissa also has cast a spell – over the life of McGuire, Melissa's mother.

Over the years, the spell has changed moods. It started with the joy of motherhood and took an abrupt jump with Melissa's suicide at age 22.

These days, the spell nudges Trish McGuire to help others – families of suicides and young people.

As part of Tampa Bay Parents of Suicides, McGuire meets regularly with other parents of suicides in the bay area and has participated in small gatherings in which parents from all over the world have attended to deal with the suicides of their children. Parents of Suicides is an online support group for parents whose children have committed suicide.

Additionally, for the past eight years, McGuire has been a volunteer "Big" with Big Brothers, Big Sisters.

With this week marking National Suicide Prevention Week, suicide prevention groups are informing the public about the condition they call the quiet epidemic that has taken the lives of people such as Melissa McGuire.

According to Suicide Prevention Action Network USA, more than 31,000 Americans die by their own hands every year.

Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in Americans and the third leading cause in Americans from 10 to 24 years-old. It is the second leading cause in college students.

A study released this month by The American Journal of Psychiatry found a 14 percent increase of suicide in young people up to age 19, in 2003 and 2004.

It tied the jump to a Food and Drug Administration advisory that discouraged physicians from prescribing anti depressants to young people.

But suicide does not affect only the young.

According to the Suicide Prevention Action Network, although they make up only 12 percent of the population, the elderly account for 16 percent of suicides.

Seniors rate high

White male seniors have the highest suicide rates of any age group. There were 28.9 deaths for 100,000 persons in 2003-04 in white men age 65 and older, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention's National Violent Death Reporting System.

With more people such as McGuire willing to talk about suicides of friends and family, its former stigma is giving way to an awareness that something can and must be done to prevent future suicides.

In Melissa's case, when she was 14, she began displaying unmistakable bipolar behavior. The condition formerly was known as manic depression.

She later began to talk about killing herself.

"I would get calls from school saying she was threatening suicide in the lavatory," McGuire recalls.

In 1997, McGuire's sweet Melissa committed suicide.

"I don't know if she chose to. It's not human nature to kill yourself. She was compelled to," says her mother.

Photos and memories

McGuire lovingly brings out a notebook containing pictures and memories of her daughter.

It is one of the tools Tampa Bay Parents of Suicides uses to help parents to come to terms with their children's suicide.

"The biggest help is connecting with other parents who have been through the same experience," McGuire explains.

Seminole resident Bonnie McClelland, director and founder of the division of Suncoast Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program, which serves Pinellas and Pasco counties, is on a mission to save lives by preventing suicide.

She has visited the Pasco County Commission and Tarpon Springs City Commission as they passed resolutions declaring this week the National Yellow Ribbon Suicide Awareness and Prevention Week and National Suicide Awareness Week.

For each visit, McClelland brought a quilt her group made from 2,336 yellow ribbons. Each ribbon represents a Floridian who committed suicide in 2002.

McClelland has directed her grief over her son Timothy's suicide into trying to prevent it in other families.

Prevention programs

She started the Pinellas-Pasco counties division of the Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program and has been trained by both the International Yellow Ribbon organization and the Beth Foundation in Ponte Vedra Beach, nearly Jacksonville, to teach a course on suicide prevention.

Additionally, she is director of the Pasco-Pinellas region of the Florida Suicide Prevention Coalition.

McClelland's voice breaks when she talks about the suicide of her only child Timothy on Jan. 21, 2002.

"My son was 17 years, six months and 11 days old," she says.

Timothy had previously been institutionalized under the Baker Act. This Florida law, enacted in 1971, allows those who have been determined to be of danger to themselves or others to be placed in protective custody until authorities determine they are out of danger.

Additionally, he was seeing a psychologist, who, according to McClelland, kept telling his mom he was doing OK.

None of Timothy's health-care providers warned her about the risk of suicide, McClelland says. "Nobody had given me the warning signs. Nobody had told me about the risk factors. Nobody had even asked me about my family history."

Red flags

But there were red flags McClelland could have picked up had she known.

Timothy was depressed. According to Suicide Prevention Action Network USA's Web site, more than 90 percent of those dying from suicide are depressed or have mental disorders.

"If you die of cancer, you die of cancer," says McClelland. "If you die of depression, it's called suicide."

Additionally, Timothy had come from a family in which some members had attempted suicide. Suicides can run in families, says McClelland.

Timothy himself offered subtle clues.

He told his mother the last Christmas they spent together he would not be around for the next one.

McClelland missed the hint. "I thought he might be backpacking in Europe or joining the military," she recalls.

Felt curious

Just before he died, he gave her many of his CDs. Now, McClelland realizes he was preparing for his death, but at the time, although she felt it curious, "I didn't think twice about it."

Today, McClelland suggests asking potential suicides directly if they are planning to commit suicide. Many will answer honestly, she says. Getting details of suicide plans can indicate how much thought has gone into the potential suicide.

Warning signs include threats to hurt or kill oneself, feelings of rage or hopelessness and withdrawal, according the Web site of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Other symptoms are increased alcohol or drug use, inability to sleep and dramatic mood changes.

"You don't want to blow it off or tell them suicide is wrong," McClelland says. "The best thing to do is get them help."

According to Elizabeth Ruegg, a licensed clinical social worker in the Port Richey area, characteristics to look for in licensed therapists are a background of crisis intervention training, experience in outpatient suicidal clients, and a plan for managing clients in crisis. That includes increased session frequency, regular contact with family and availability for between-session contacts.

For her part, Melissa's mom, Trish McGuire, is adamant about educating the public about suicide.

"It's got to be talked about. That's the only thing that kills the stigma and the shame."

To contact McClelland regarding a course on suicide prevention or for other information, visit the Suncoast Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program. or call her in Seminole at 727-394-8222.

Other Web sites on suicide are Suicide Prevention Action Network and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Suicide Hot Lines
Pasco -- 727-849-9988
Pinellas -- 727-562-1542
National -- 1-800-784-2433 and 1-800-273-8255

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