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Laughter Seasons Essays

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By AMY SMITH LINTON

The Tampa Tribune

Published: August 3, 2008

"Waiter Rant: Thanks for the Tip - Confessions of a Cynical Waiter," by The Waiter (Ecco, William Morris, $25)

Waiters see it all: big spenders, hyper-kids, very naughty cook-staff, loud drunks, prostitutes, bad tippers, terrible managers, heart attacks and fights, as well as the vast majority of normal people who just want a nice meal out.

"Waiting should be a simple job, but it isn't," explains The Waiter in the preface to this very funny collection of essays.

Sliding into the job at age 31, the author is a former seminary student and rehab counselor who started waiting tables to fill the gap until his next job. Nearly a decade later, he has turned his smart and generally compassionate perspective to bear on documenting his experiences, first with his popular blog, WaiterRant.net, and now as author of this book.

He reveals that waiters sometimes use Jedi mind skills to steer a customer to a certain dish. He also confirms that, indeed, when food is returned to the kitchen, sometimes it goes back to the customer's table with some very unpleasant extras. ("This is the chapter where I talk about waiters spitting in your food"). Yes, waiters do sometimes get a date with the customer. And, yes, 20 percent is not an amazing tip. So why stay in the job?

The Waiter explains that the appeal is both monetary - tips can be great - and social because waiting provides an unparalleled opportunity to peep into other people's lives. "It's amazing what you see if you keep your eyes open," he says.

Lucky for the reader, The Waiter has kept his eyes open and is willing to gossip about what he has seen from the other side of the menu.

Amy Smith Linton of Tampa is a freelance writer.

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