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Apparently, We're On An Express Train To Hitting The Hickville Trifecta
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Published: August 10, 2008
After you read the following, most of us might agree that the last person we'd want to be stuck sitting next to on a commuter train would be TampaSeer. You never know, pinched pompous elitist cooties might be contagious.
"Nobody wants to commute to work next to some smelly, homeless guy with a dufflebag full of garbage or some gangbanger looking for his next target," TampaSeer wrote in response to a column last week on Mayor Pam Iorio's effort to push, pull, shove and drag a mass transit system to fruition.
"I mean, seriously, have you ever been on a bus in this town?" wrote TampaSeer.
Well, as a matter of fact, yes I have been on a bus in this town and it was hardly the Third World meets "A Clockwork Orange" experience our treasured reader suggested.
TampaSeer argued that the only reason riders using the New York subways are safe is because of the New York Transit Authority officers patrolling the system.
Maybe, but having used the rail systems in many American cities, from Boston, to Philadelphia, to Chicago, to Atlanta, to San Francisco, to Washington, it is also true the subways are the best and most cost-efficient way to navigate one's way around town.
"Thank you, but I'll pay $10-a-gallon before I ride on the ghetto express," TampaSeer, ever a pillar of social consciousness, observed. And yes, it is true that one does run the risk of sharing air space with black people on these systems. Oh dear!
On the same subject, tylgtrs1 dangerously flirted with reality. "Just goes to show that Tampa is and always will be a Podunk gooberville city." Ah, so you read TampaSeer's entry, too, didn't you?
"Heck, the state of Florida, being dependent on a tourist economy should have all major cities inter-connected and patterned after the European rail system," tylgrts1 wrote (uh, do you think there is a tylgrts2?). "It can be done and financed. It is only a matter of political will."
Ah! There's your problem. The words "political will" and "Florida" go together about as well as "George Bush" and "third term." Brrrrrrr.
As well, gentle reader, what do you think the chances would be of linking all those cities by rail once the Florida Legislature finds out they do the same thing in - France?
Dems Their Own Worst Enemy
A column on a lawsuit brought by Democratic Party activist James Shirk, which could scuttle a proposed ballot initiative calling for the creation of a Hillsborough County mayor, inspired Crimson13 to weigh in.
"Ah Shirk, you have once again shown that all Democrats are their own number one enemy," Crimson13 wrote. "You gave the good ol' boys the chance they wanted to kill this so they could keep the late Ralph's Hughes Cast-Crete kids in power.
"Jim Norman, Brian Blair and others will sleep soundly knowing that Tampa will never take the serious Mayor position needed to catapult it out of the realm of a one-horse towndom.
"At this point, St. Pete may yet eclipse us and we'll know who to blame."
Podunk! Gooberville! One-horse town! What would we call this? A trifecta of hicks?
It's Too Much To Bare
Lastly, nuderights (well, there's no mystery there!) is still unnerved over a column a week or so ago on the Caliente In-The-Buff Resort.
"I cannot believe your nerve," nuderights complained. Oh go ahead, believe it.
"You write about Caliente Resort, and nudists with such candor and moronic statements and double-entendre, yet you are too chicken to check the place out and really get a feel for the place, and the lifestyle yourself.
"And please don't insult me with your wife not being happy about you coming out here for some REAL research," nuderights, now in full bluster - blustered. "Are you a journalist, or not?"
First of all let me be perfectly clear on this point - yes, a thousand times yes, I am too chicken. I'm almost 59 years old, for crying out loud. Running around naked with a bunch of other naked people is simply not my idea of a lot of laughs. Not gonna happen. Forget about it. Don't think so.
As a simple matter of research, I am abundantly familiar with what naked people look like - uh, naked. This isn't as if we're talking about researching the Pentagon Papers here.
As for the Bombshell of Balkans, try to imagine this conversation, nuderights. "Oh my dearest, honey-bunchkins, sweetie-pie, Greek goddess? I'm going to go up to the Caliente Nude Resort and spend several days doing - research. Ya wanna go?"
What part of How would you like to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life don't you understand?
Chicken? You betcha!
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