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I Stand By My Statements: Ms. Stiles, You Deserve A Cocktail Or Two

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: August 17, 2008

"This so-called news article is so one-sided and vindictive it's absolutely disgusting," decried valued reader grskeeter, who took umbrage at a column suggesting that when her effort to get the county mayor initiative on the ballot faltered recently, local lawyer Mary Ann Stiles might well have enjoyed a well-deserved stiff Boodles martini - or two.

The missive writer wailed any hint that Ms. Stiles might ponder the finer applications of cocktail olives was disrespectful to her and irrelevant, not to mention highly opinionated. Gee, do ya think?

Ms. Stiles herself had no problem with the imagery of her curled into a fetal position with a catheter inserted directly into her arm, attached a fifth of - something! For the record, though, the mother of the county mayor crusade wanted to correct one detail:

"I drink Grey Goose vodka. With olives. Shaken not stirred," Stiles wrote, cueing the James Bond theme.

Ugh! Vodka - I've never understood the appeal of vodka. Seems like a tragic waste of a perfectly good potato to me, but to each his or her own poison.

One last point for charmed reader grskeeter's allegation that this space is from time to time given to opinion: Guilty as charged. That's why it's called a column. You know, a little Grey Goose wouldn't be so bad by now.

Maybe We Should Go To The Experts

Another recent column on Tampa Mayor Pam Iorio's efforts to kick-start a commuter rail system, after mere DECADES of chin-rubbing, thumb-sucking and brow-furrowing, prompted pacfandave to weigh in with a litany of inaccuracies rivaling a Don Rumsfeld news conference.

"This is not New York, Chicago, Atlanta or any other top-tier city the population of which is large enough to support light rail," pacfandave wrote. "Look at the comparably-sized cities, which have attempted lite rail and which almost all of failed."

Before I could point out to pacfandave he was full of ... a sack of potatoes, tampasteve beat me to the punch, noting: "Do some research first before you spout off. All those systems have been highly successful, have been expanded since their inception and are seeing massive increases in ridership."

Several readers recommended having some of the state's bigger tourist attractions, such as Disney World and Busch Gardens - institutions that know a thing or two about moving people around - undertake the design of light rail. But perhaps the best idea on how to get a commuter system off the ground came from tylrgtrs1.

"We could get the Tampa Bay Buccaneer owners Glazers on board and threaten to move the Bucs unless the city gets light rail," the reader opined, adding the digging of the foundations would begin immediately. This is true, by the way.

And Again - Go To The Experts

A column on a new scanning device to be installed at Tampa International Airport, which will enable the Transportation Security Administration to literally view the traveling public as if they were actually naked, also inspired our all-too-rational reader tylrgtrs1 to offer up another brilliant notion.

"Looks like the TSA has a new labor pool demographic. Maybe they can recruit from the nearby Drew Park adult movie theaters you visited recently on the vice sting. Put those pervs to work and on the tax rolls."

Well, you have to admit these people would have a far keener sense of what to look for! And where to hide ... ahem, stuff.

Responding to a column a few days ago on speculation that Gov. Charlie Crist's vice presidential running-mate stock has dipped, Crimson13 ruminated: "The truth is John McCain will probably want a real Bible-thumping type to please the '700 Club' types, so that they can pray daily for Johnnie to die and install a theocracy."

Hmmmm, interesting logic. Twisted, yes, but still interesting.

And finally, memo to Angye Fox, who does flackery for the Caliente Nudist Resort: Uh, thanks so much for the two free passes for the Buttercup of the Balkans and me to visit what I'm sure is your lovely establishment.

But what part of: the odds we'll show up there in the altogether are about the same as Barack Obama picking John Edwards as his running mate, don't you understand?

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog. Or tune into WWBA, 1040 AM, Sundays from 1 to 3 p.m. to listen to Dan's radio show.

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