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Friends Refuse To Play Their Part In Drama Queen's Illness

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: August 17, 2008

Dear Abby: I'm afraid my best friend's daughter, "Kami," may have Munchausen syndrome. People with this condition consciously fake the symptoms of a physical disorder.
Kami is 30, a former nurse, and married with a toddler. She lives to be sick. She is always in the emergency room for something. Kami often claims she has cancer and is dying. In fact, she recently told me proudly that she had "died" twice. Ladies from her church clean her house and bring her meals because they think she's at death's door, yet Kami and her husband are planning a water-skiing and snorkeling vacation.

Kami's husband and parents are protective of her and become defensive if anyone suggests that Kami may not be physically ill. A sister-in-law who mentioned Munchausen is no longer spoken to.

The final straw for me came when she arrived late to a wedding, making her entrance in a wheelchair, and that night was on her feet swing dancing at the reception.

She's losing friends. To be friends with Kami means you are completely invested in her illness. Most people are staying away. She exhausts us.

I care for her and her family, but don't know how to help her. Have you any thoughts? - Worried Friend in Utah

Dear Worried Friend: Until Kami's family is ready to recognize that she may have a complex emotional disorder rather than a physical illness and stop enabling her, there will be no help for her.

However, has anyone taken into consideration the effect Kami's endless dramatic crises are having on that toddler? When a parent is continually at death's door, attention that should be devoted to nurturing the child is diverted from where it should be.

Please point that out to your best friend. Although the truth may not endear you to her, it may be the wake-up call she needs to see that her daughter gets help. Either that, or she can intervene to ensure the child gets emotional support.

Dear Abby: I want to thank all the wonderful people who make biking to work possible. I am a mid-40s professional and never thought I could do this, but I am. My goal was to bike at least once a week to work - 15 miles each way - and I have been doing it since May and loving it!

Thank you to the drivers who respect bikers, the municipalities who planned for safe cycling, and the companies that provide showers and lockers. It has been so much fun. It's good, fun exercise. Help the environment, save energy and get fit, America! - George in Miami Valley, Ohio

Dear George: I'm pleased that you are enjoying your healthy new lifestyle. However, I hesitate to encourage people to embrace your challenge until both cyclists and motorists are better educated about the rules of the road.

Communities need to act now to provide safe bicycle lanes and paths for people trying to conserve gasoline.

Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles CA 90069.

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