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Do Conservatives Have Mammoth Task Ahead?

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By TOM JACKSON

tjackson@tampatrib.com

Published: December 7, 2008

Last month, scientists publishing in the journal Nature declared that they had all but unraveled the biological mystery of what made a woolly mammoth woolly and, well, mammoth, laying the foundation for a tale worthy of the late Michael Crichton.

And before you could say, "Life imitates art," before somebody could pitch "Jurassic Park IV," stories were flying around the globe eagerly anticipating the first resident of prehistory to be introduced to the post-ironic 21st century.

The excitement has tapered somewhat following that first flash of imagined possibilities - freshly cloned woolly calves will not be available, even through Neiman Marcus, in time for this Christmas - but may, nonetheless, have stirred anew in the imaginations of Sunshine State conservatives after the latest statist lurch by the former attorney general they helped elevate to the governor's mansion.

Demonstrating zealotry in the service of his man-crush on his Golden State counterpart, Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has enthusiastically endorsed the same vehicle-emissions standards for us that gagged the domestic automobile industry when they were adopted in California. (Resulting in blocking action by the federal Environmental Protection Administration that greenies shouldn't be so certain the Obama White House, hauling the United Auto Workers onto its back, will be swift to dismiss.)

But, back to us.

Now, in a 6-1 vote that was as predictable as it was dunderheaded, the state's Environmental Regulation Commission has backed Crist's policy.

Never mind the radical differences in topography. Florida is a low-lying windswept peninsula; California a coastal state characterized by a vast central valley, basins and the Rocky Mountains for a spine, all contributing to the state's well-deserved reputation as a sick-air magnet.

And never mind about the acknowledgment that compliance comes with a per-vehicle cost ranging from daunting to scandalous.

Bought The Head Feint

This is about the constituency of what had been, and rumor suggests remains, the bedrock majority of the Republican Party in Florida, free-market fiscal conservatives, who are way past feeling hornswoggled by the administration they were instrumental in boosting to power.

This also is about the demonstrated silliness that inevitably adheres to (virtually all, but especially - frankly - dishonest) governmental meddling in the private sector. Oh, the early reviews are glowing, all right, in no small measure because lots of us embrace varieties of nonsense as articles of faith.

We accept as fact the idea that showrooms would be full of two-ton, nine-passenger SUVs that not only produce zero emissions and get 100 mpg, but self-tune and wash themselves, if only Detroit weren't in bed with Big Oil, Big Pollution, Big Car Wash and Pep Boys. Why, as he saddles up with Ah-nold, the People's Governor is merely forcing Motown to do what it ought to have done in the first place.

Of course, if even half of what we believe about Detroit's withheld capabilities were true, wouldn't the automotive geniuses from Tokyo and Wolfsburg who gave us the eight-cup-holder, six-seater sedan, already have them on America's highways?

Mapping The Reagan Genome

This Space shares Gov. Crist's desire for the purest possible air, but his methodology is at best calculated, at worst downright devious. He wants what he wants, and good for him, but he's not willing to risk any political capital.

If the governor wants to reduce vehicle emissions in Florida, he ought to go about it the proper way: Propose a statewide increase in the gasoline tax. Make it high enough to influence people's driving habits and/or vehicle preferences. And dedicate the new revenue to developing rider-friendly mass transit systems.

This is no time to squeeze automakers with absurd, arbitrary and financially irresponsible environmental collars, not when Congress is considering a loan package that would boost federal outlays to Detroit's Big Three up near $60 billion in 2008 alone.

As it entertains Crist's sonnet to Schwarzenegger next spring, Pasco's all-GOP-all-the-time legislative delegation should (a) reflect on the Reagan-era conservatism that inspired them to politics and (b) appreciate what it hears (mausoleum-like silence) from the showrooms of the county's assorted new-car dealerships.

The time grows near to dispel exaggerated rumors of conservatism's extinction.

Meanwhile, the rest of Florida's free-marketeers will be paying close attention to news of the resurrected woolly mammoth. Given their proboscidean mascot, Republicans could scarcely identify a more suitable cloning project.

That is, until somebody produces a comb containing some of the Gipper's hair.

Tom Jackson can be reached at (813) 948-4219.

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