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Families Find Gifts in Sharing Holidays

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By MICHELLE BEARDEN

mbearden@tampatrib.com

Published: December 20, 2008

My girlfriend is a devout Methodist and I'm a conservative Jew. Our children are grown and our grandchildren live out of town. We embrace our differences and celebrate our holidays jointly, which has helped us gain a unique perspective. We've learned that both holidays have common themes: love, hope, miracles and giving.

We have a Christmas tree and I help her decorate it. We go to church on Sunday mornings, especially during Advent. She plays all her favorite Christmas songs and hymns on the piano, and bakes holiday cookies. We shop together for presents, and put up Christmas stockings for our three cats. And even though we're both laid off from work this year, we will try to do something to help children less fortunate than us to have a better Christmas.

As for Hanukkah, we light the menorah, exchange small presents and spin the dreidel. She cooks me latkes (potato pancakes) with apple sauce, and we read the story of the Miracle of Light. And since my girlfriend is a Duke University graduate, we have a lot of blue and white, Hanukkah's colors, around our home.

As with Christmas, Hanukkah is a time of hope, peace, love and joy. We will try to get involved in a project that promotes peace between Arabs and Jews in our community and in the Middle East. Living in an interfaith household helps us understand other faiths and traditions. It is our responsibility to share what we learn with others, and help them embrace our differences and to promote harmony.

When money is scarce, we learn that material items, previously so important, are not as important as love, God, family and giving back to community. Isn't that what holidays are all about, no matter how you celebrate them?

Bob Schneck

Tampa

My husband, Mark, and I have been happily married for 22 years. We have two children, Nicholas, 18, and Lauren, 15. I'm Catholic and Mark is Jewish. In the beginning, friends and family tried to discourage us by saying, "Sharing in each other's religious differences may be possible when it's simply the two of you, but when the children come ..."

Mark and I decided a long time ago that the main focus of our home and our lives is to make sure that God is present. Family, traditions and memories are all important, and for one of us to try and "erase" the other one would also eliminate a part in each other that helps create the person we fell in love with.

Blending our traditions does not diminish them, but rather enhances them. It has only served to make us stronger as a couple. We understand that for some people, "mixed" marriages of any sort are threatening, and some people feel compelled to ask, "What faith are the children?" I just smile and say that my children are gifted and are able to pray in two languages.

Mary Devereaux Frankle

Tampa

I am a Jewish man and I married a Catholic woman. And my mother didn't kill herself! Though she might have, had I been in my early 20s.

My wife and I each have a daughter. Carol Anne's daughter, Alex, like her mother, is a practicing Catholic. She goes to Mass once a week for Communion and was confirmed last spring. I donated to the party: I made my mother's Jewish-style sweet and sour meatballs.

I would like to see my daughter Mallory marry a Jewish boy, but her happiness is most important. She recently joined a predominantly Jewish sorority and is going to Israel on Dec. 26. I'd like to see her carry on the Jewish traditions of the holidays into her adult life, and I believe she will. The first time I saw my father cry was when Mallory was called to the Torah for her Bat Mitzvah. She has a great foundation to build upon.

Hanukkah and Christmas do overlap this year, but it really isn't an issue for us. My wife and I support each other in the celebration of these two very different holidays, though Hanukkah is actually a minor one, compared to Christmas. In our home, the dining room becomes the "Hanukkah room" and the family room becomes the "Christmas room."

Hanukkah is the Festival of Lights. This refers to the lights created by the candles in the menorah, as opposed to the lights on a Christmas tree, or those attached to the outside of the house. We do not put conventional Christmas lights on the outside of the house nor are there Nativity scenes on display in the family room. We are sensitive to each other's beliefs.

At Hanukkah, I fry the potato latkes. For Christmas, my wife creates a Thanksgiving-sized meal that includes a ham. Perhaps this year, both will be served as the same time. But it won't change who we are.

Dave Friedman

Brandon

We are an interfaith family. I was raised a Catholic (Italian, with the nuns) and my husband is Jewish. We decided before we had children that we were not going to "let them decide." We wanted to give them a direction and if they wanted to make a change when they were older, it would be their choice. As it worked out, we had a son, who is now 19.

My husband had very little family and it was important for him to raise his child in the Jewish faith. Jacob had his Bar Mitzvah, attended Hillel (Jewish) School and went to Israel. We belong to Temple Ohev Shalom in New Tampa, and Jacob attends Friday services at University of South Florida.

The holidays this year are challenging. I do put up a Christmas tree and lights on the house. I've always joked that my husband married me so he could have Christmas lights! We have an electric menorah that we put in the front window. During the days that the holidays coincide, I keep the blinds shut and you cannot see the tree.

We try to light the candles together every night, and give a "big gift" on the first and last nights, and small gifts in between. I usually do not light the outside house lights; this year it's especially hard, because everyone knows that you have to light up your house on Christmas Eve for Santa to find you!

I send out Hanukkah cards to Jewish family and friends and Christmas cards to the Catholic side. I do not like the "happy holiday" greetings, because I feel that takes meaning and respect away from both holidays.

We've always felt that the Italian and Jewish families are similar in strong traditions - and guilt. And for both, the food of the holidays is very important and comforting, and always brings up memories that we both share with our son.

Karen Glenn

Tampa

As the grandmother of an interfaith child, a 9-year-old girl, I've learned to celebrate both holidays by providing small treats for the eight days of Hanukkah and having a gift under the tree on Christmas. My son is Christian and my daughter-in-law is Jewish. They are both very open about their faiths and respect each other's traditions.

If you forego the prejudice and love the family, things can go very well. I have learned many of the Jewish traditions are more true than our Christian migration to commercialism. It has brought a new view to life and appreciation of values. What I've learned is that God is love, not a religion.

Linda Baker

Hudson

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