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Learn Of Love From 3 Who've Been There

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By ELLEN McCARTHY, The Washington Post

Published: February 14, 2008

"Love is an endless mystery, for it has nothing else to explain it," proclaimed the poet-philosopher Rabindranath Tagore.

Which would seem to be the case - until every other poet-philosopher and heartsick pop star tries to explain it.

And why not? It's on the brain, today and every other day, causing elation, devastation and the occasional war.

This Valentine's Day, we turn to experts (beyond the poets and pop stars) to talk about love. Three relationship gurus gamely completed the statements of love we began:

Michelle Monkou, romance author

Your first love ...

is important because it sets the bar for future relationships.

Love at first sight ...

is true. I'm insistent that my husband saw me and fell madly in love and hasn't emerged from my spell after almost 25 years together.

After a breakup, never ...

hang on and become a crazy, deluded "Fatal Attraction" loser. Let it go.

The best part ...

of being in a romantic relationship is having your best friend at your side.

You can never predict ...

how your loved one will age. This means that you should look carefully at parents and older aunts and uncles.

When it comes to relationships, people tend to underestimate ...

how easy it is to take someone for granted. Like a diet gone wrong, you stop working at it, then wonder why your pants seams are ripping apart.

When things get really bad (lovers' spat rather than abuse) ...

be careful what you tell your mother. When the dust settles and you've made up, Mom may not be so forgiving of your significant other.

Heartache is ...

not the end of the world. Everything in life is a lesson. Your coping and survival skills will kick in.

Valentine's Day ...

is good PR to show co-workers that you're in a romantic relationship.

Keith Miller, couples counselor

Your first love ...

leaves you in the clouds. On the other hand, staying in the clouds is just how you get your first love to leave.

Love at first sight ...

is what we say when we don't want to use the word "lust."

After a breakup, never ...

take all of the blame or give it all away.

The longer you're with someone ...

the more you will realize they are not a clone of you!

Fairy tales tend to leave out the part ...

where you actually have to tell your partner what you need in order for them to do it.

I wish I'd known when I was 19 that ...

there is no "one" person that is right for me. I have to be the right person first, and I'll be happy with everything after that.

When it comes to relationships, people tend to underestimate ...

how much better they will feel if they do the very hard things they are avoiding.

The most romantic ...

lover in the world is no match for the aphrodisiac called listening.

Heartache is ...

probably just indigestion. When loving has led to hurt, you'll ache all over.

Sandy M. Fernandez, editor of The Washington Post Magazine's "Date Lab" feature

They say you know when you know. I think that's ...

100 percent, absolutely, no question, true. And you know when you don't know, too.

I wish I'd known when I was 19 that ...

that maxim about love being hard work is only for when you're, like, married with kids. But if you're just dating ... buh-bye. Life's too short.

When things get really bad ...

ask your friends to give you their unvarnished advice. Take it.

The most romantic ...

note I ever got was from my husband, after I groused about missing the magic of our early days: "Mr. Romance would like to take you out tonight. But since he's busy, I'm taking you out instead."

Heartache is ...

an important and noble emotion to feel. Once. Or twice. After that, you're just being indulgent.

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