TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

He's Finally Realized It's A Krewe'd Event

ADVERTISEMENT

Daniel Ruth, The Tampa Tribune

Published: February 21, 2008

This had to be Richard Gonzmart's mother of all Capt. Renault's "I'm shocked, shocked to find out that gambling is going on in here!" moments.

After all, as a member of a family of one of the village's most hotsy-tot of swells, Gonzmart finally figured out the hamlet's annual Gasparilla soiree is little more than a debauched license to swill?

Wouldn't this be like being amazed at all those Commies in China?

It was an outraged Richard Gonzmart, along with his brother Casey, who announced this week that the family was resigning from the Krewe of Knights of Sant' Yago, which his late father, restaurant impresario Cesar, helped found in 1972. Cue the violins.

After 36 years, it dawned upon Richard that the Gasparilla festivities have all the dignity of Bubba the Love Sponge meets Amy

Winehouse left unsupervised at a tattoo parlor.

Cheap Beads, Cheap Tarts

Gonzmart was aghast to witness during the most recent Gasparilla invasion, otherwise known as "There Will Be Vomit," that the venerable Krewe of Knights of Sant' Yago were inducing young women to expose their breasts in return for cheap, sleazy beads made by the finest Chinese political prisoners money can buy.

It's a family event.

"Show us your boobies," a DJ hired by the Krewe called out to young lasses along the invasion route, promising to bestow upon them the lousy, stinking trinkets that have become Gasparilla's bounty of declasse currency.

You'll probably not be too terribly stunned to discover that, indeed, many of the city's fair maidens are more than willing to reveal themselves to be cheap tarts-in-waiting, all for a worthless gee-gaw.

Knights!?!? Oh please! "Spamelot" maybe, but hardly some royal and ancient order of chivalrous guardians of honor.

Important Wood Nymphs
The Krewe of the Knights of Sant' Show Us Your Boobs largely came about because the old, rich white guys who ran the Gasparilla Krewe would have rather admitted the Nuremberg defendants before they allowed a black, or an Hispanic, or a fully clothed woman into their midst.

Ergo, the Krewe of the Knights of Sant' Ha-Cha-Cha-Cha, populated by rich Hispanic guys, who once a year dress up like wood nymphs and pretend to be important.

Surely Richard Gonzmart, during the course of 35 years of Gasparilla coo-coo-ca-choo, had to have noticed the occasional errant comely breast yearning to breathe free.

Or it's probable Gonzmart simply wearied of all the sad, pathetic blue-bloods-in-waiting acting like something out of "Animal House" and decided he looked pretty goofy as a 55-year-old man running around decked in more frills than Scarlett O'Hara.

There's a problem, though, now that Gonzmart has disassociated himself from the annual nonsense.

One of the funniest places in Tampa is an upstairs banquet room at Gonzmart's Columbia Restaurant featuring a gallery of all the silly, paunchy, middle-aged men dressed up like "Nutcracker" elves who have served as the head poo-poo-pa-doo of the Krewe of the Knights of Sant' Hardy-Har-Har.

Yard sale? Or Bonfire of the Insanities? Decisions, decisions.

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

Share this:

Loading Comments...

Email Print

ADVERTISEMENT