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Finding Bliss In The Saddle Is All That Matters

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By CHRISTIE GOLD, Special to the Tribune

Published: February 21, 2008

It is barely 8 a.m. on the coldest day of the year.

At home, the temperature hovers just over freezing, but I'm three hours' north of my down comforter, the 80-pound hound that shares my bed on chilly nights and my oversized coffee cup - all the comforts that make a cold morning more bearable.

Instead, I'm wearing four layers of clothes - looking like the Michelin Man - and sitting atop a 17-hand bay stallion at the edge of a vast rolling field where I've paused to catch my breath after a long gallop. The wind stings my face, and my fingers and toes ache. My heart races, not from physical exertion but from the pure exhilaration of feeling alive.

Beyond the steady breathing of my horse and myself, I swear I hear my soul sing.

It's my winter vacation, and I'm at the equivalent of riding boot camp, working with horses from just after dawn till well after dusk. I've struck a deal with a trainer in North Florida: He has too many horses to ride in a day; my own filly needs training that I cannot afford. My presence on his farm is a good deal for both of us.

This is not what most people would consider a break from work, but riding is what brings me joy. It's been this way as long as I can remember. My entire life has been shaped by it - schools chosen, careers followed, relationships made and lost - largely based on how much these elements allowed me to accommodate my one true passion.

"Imagine how much money you would have if it weren't for the horses."

I've heard this countless times from friends and family. It's true; my bank account would be fatter, my credit less strained, but to what end? So I could drive a sports car? I've never owned anything but a truck. So I could take a cruise? I'm a restless landlubber. So I could visit a nail salon each week? That's definitely not me.

I've always been drawn to people ruled by their passions, even when their love affairs seem completely irrational. It's their joie de vivre that I find so magnetic, and I envy their courage. How many of us have the conviction to follow our bliss?

I have a good career and have found my share of success in it, but the accolades never come without a pang of guilt, the feeling of being a fraud.

Whenever I accept an award or acknowledge some new accomplishment, something deep inside whispers, "This is all very nice, Christie, but you know it doesn't really make you happy."

The small farm I own, the horses I train, should be enough to silence that voice, but when I drive through what remains of Florida's horse country, or on days like this when I'm completely overcome by the feeling of being in the saddle, it speaks louder and more emphatically than ever.

For a second on this frosty morning, I think of what lies beyond these few idyllic days: my job, home, friends and family. But I chase those thoughts to the remote regions of my mind.

Right now, there is only this moment.

I gather the reins and gallop back across the empty field. Whether I am running away or toward something, I do not know for sure.

Christie Gold, who lives in Wesley Chapel, teaches English and journalism at Freedom High School in Tampa.

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