TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

Best, Worst In Sports Movies

File photo

Tim Robbins, left, fought Kevin Costner for the hand of Susan Sarandon in "Bull Durham."

ADVERTISEMENT

By MARTIN FENNELLY | The Tampa Tribune

Published: February 22, 2008

It's Oscar time. Sunday, we'll learn who the big winners are, not to mention the designer label on the evening gowns the PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants are wearing under their men's clothes when they bring out the envelopes. Thank ya, boys!

The Deuce thought it would be fun and, better still, incredibly cliche, to remember sports' contributions to the cinema.

THE BEST

1. Hoosiers (1986) Goose bumps from the moment you see a kid shooting at a basket on a barn and his mom puts down her freshly baked apple pie to tell him that Coach Sampson is on the phone, again. Gene Hackman, assisted by Shooter, the town drunk (Dennis Hopper), leads farm boys to Indiana high school basketball title.

2. Bull Durham (1988) Crash Davis (Kevin Costner) fights "Nuke" LaLoosh (Tim Robbins) for hand of the Lady Fair, Annie Savoy (Susan Sarandon). The password is: Lollygaggers.

3. The Hustler (1961) Singularly depressing, but amazing, as pool shark "Fast" Eddie Felson (Paul Newman) tries to outshoot Minnesota Fats (Jackie Gleason, at his best) and sleazy manager (George C. Scott). Wince along as Paulie gets his thumbs broken in wrong end of town.

4. Raging Bull (1980) There are many great boxing movies, but The Bull, directed by Martin Scorsese, wins a split decision over "Requiem For a Heavyweight" and "Million Dollar Baby." Robert DeNiro won Oscar as bad dude Jake LaMotta, with Joe Pesci as his brudda. Jake entering ring for championship fight is one of a kind moment.

5. Chariots of Fire (1981) Despite eventually annoying sound track, no film captures the Olympic spirit like this story, except maybe for the occasional Bud Greenspan documentary or that Nazi film lady in Berlin. Film tracks careers of British sprinters at the 1924 Games. Be warned: Americans lose, a lot. We're awaiting British "B" samples.

Evel Knievel

THE WORST

1. Viva Knievel! (1977) Evel (himself) foils drug ring. Co-stars include Gene Kelly (yes, that Gene Kelly) as his drunk mechanic, Lauren Hutton as a "photojournalist" and Leslie Nielsen as a "drug lord." Also: Red Buttons, Dabney Coleman, Frank Gifford. Film begins with Evel sneaking into orphanage after lights-out to give Evel action figures to children. One kid throws away crutches, says "You're the reason I can walk, Evel." Do not drive after watching the film.

2. The Babe Ruth Story (1948) The disturbingly un-athletic William Bendix, 42, playing a 14-year-old Babe is one of the many treats. Teammate tells aging Babe to sue the club. "Sue, baseball?" Babe says. "Nah, kid, that'd be like suing church." Babe's classic fade-out in hospital includes urchins in street singing "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" as doctor discusses serum being a "pinch hitter." Don't miss this one.

3. Safe At Home (1962) Young Hutch is caught in a lie when he tells friends he knows Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris, so he travels to Yankees spring training to meet Mick and Rog (themselves). The M&M Boys, memorably wooden, teach Hutch honesty (Mick: "You can't make a foul ball fair just by moving the baselines.") before inviting the whole gang to camp for drills and injections from Mr. McNamee!

4. The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island (1981) Fact: Originally was "Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders on Gilligan's Island," but that fell through, so the real Globetrotters it was. Their plane crashes, they fight off shark by throwing basketballs at it, make landfall, meet Gilligan (1,213-year-old Bob Denver), Skipper, The Professor and mad scientist (Martin Landau). World domination is settled by game between doctor's robots and Trotters. Oh, yes, the Trotters coach: Mr. Scatman Crothers.

BEST ATHLETES IN AN ACTING ROLE

Jim Brown, The Dirty Dozen (1967) Playing condemned convict turned soldier Jefferson, our man Jimmy, with Lee Marvin urging him on, drops grenades in all the German air shafts before the Nazis get him from behind at the 5-yard line.

Harold Sakata, Goldfinger (1964) Sakata, an Olympic weightlifter and professional wrestler, was Odd Job, the all-time James Bond villain, who grunted with feeling and whose hat was a lethal weapon.

Alex Karras, Blazing Saddles (1974) Karras, former NFL defensive lineman, steals show as Mongo, a slow-witted ox who knocks out a horse with one punch and reminds us all, "Mongo only pawn in game of life."

The Hanson Brothers, Slap Shot (1977) Real-life hockey players Jeff and Steve Carlson and David Hanson are the slot-car racing, all-in goons who became cult heroes in this comedy. Go Chiefs!

Joe Namath

WORST ATHLETES IN ACTING ROLE

Evel Knievel, Viva Knievel (1977) See above. Favorite moment of the orphanage visit is Evel reaching into jacket and telling nun, "Don't think I forgot you. I brought you some of your favorite fudge." Evel, we know you're in heaven right now, jumping over eight angels and nine London double-decker buses.

Rosey Grier, The Thing With Two Heads (1972) Former NFL pass rusher Grier plays death-row inmate who has bigoted white doctor's head (Oscar winner Ray Milland) surgically attached to body. Hillary Clinton recently asked Rosey if he would mind having his head surgically attached to her for upcoming Texas and Ohio primaries.

Joe Namath, C.C. And Company (1970) Joe Willie, motorcycle gang member, rescues Ann-Margret from being main course at Boys Night Out, then takes her to Vegas, where Ann asks if his biker friends would be jealous of how he was living. "Not how," Joe says, "with whom." Joe had a way with objective pronouns, too.

Share this:

Loading Comments...

Email Print

ADVERTISEMENT