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Coming Here, Candidates? Bring Beads

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By STEVE OTTO, The Tampa Tribune

Published: January 11, 2008

Remember when the I-4 corridor was the key to the national elections? Rich in economic and social diversity, from Tampa Bay across the state, here was that perfect mix of Americans who could and would determine the political fate of the country.

I guess you can forget that. Did you see those almost surreal pictures of the fog that blanketed the corridor this week; the one that resulted in that horrific chain of accidents?

A fog of a different sort; this one a muddled mix of confusion, indifference and poli-speak has settled in, not just over the corridor, but the entire state as the so-called Florida primary approaches on Jan. 29.

This oughta be good. What a great piece of scheduling, falling three days after Gasparilla and a week before the opening of the Florida State Fair. Somehow it all seems to come together in a harmonic convergence of kitsch.

As you may have heard, Floridians being punished by the political parties for daring to want to be a part of the selection process, one currently assigned to some Iowa farmers and a few maple syrup gatherers in New Hampshire.

There are plenty of good reasons to take it out on the Sunshine State, the land of hanging chads and Katherine Harris, but this doesn't seem to be one of them.

If you are a Democrat you have been told your votes will not count for diddly and that any Florida delegates will not be seated at the party convention in Denver. The candidates have pledged not to campaign in the state, which in my mind can't be all bad.

The Republicans have said that half of the Florida delegates won't be seated when they gather in Minneapolis, but their candidates will be allowed to politic and pretend to care about Florida.

The Charisma Meter

The Republicans, frankly, are a little low on the charisma meter this time around and if they are going to be haunting the restaurants around town they might think about it and come prepared.

As they will be in the area in the days leading up to Gasparilla, they might stock up on beads to hand out to the locals while making the rounds. Beads are big in this town and might go over better than promises of tax breaks.

If you think they got a good deal buying Manhattan for beads, wait til they see what they can get on Gasparilla day around here.

Actually, the Republicans are already in Florida. The big story this week was moving a scheduled Rudy Giuliani speech to a different location from the original site at the Clown College in Sarasota. The handlers got the idea that the media might latch on to that one and somehow try to draw a connection.

I don't see it. I'll bet Giuliani doesn't even own a seltzer bottle.

At Home With Donkeys

I suppose the Democrats could always show up after the primary. It would be too late to do any glad-handing for votes, but they could always stop by the state fair. In fact, a week after the primary there is a miniature donkey and mule show scheduled at the fairgrounds. They could always enter that.

They might be careful about what they eat if they meander down the midway. They might get caught nibbling on some elephant ears, which has to be a violation of some rule.

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