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Amendment Language Taxes Us

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By STEVE OTTO, The Tampa Tribune

Published: January 20, 2008

Early voting is under way, but I'm still waiting for the translation.

We received a sample ballot last week from Hillsborough County Elections Supervisor Buddy Johnson, but unfortunately it was incomprehensible. And I'm waiting for a replacement.

Buddy - and I figure I can call him Buddy because his picture was on the cover of the sample ballot instead of the candidates - for some reason sent me a ballot in two languages.

I didn't realize it until I tried to read the proposed constitutional revision. It turns out he sent out one version in Spanish and, on the other side of the page, one written in Lawyerese, but apparently he forgot to send one in English.

The Spanish version sounded nice. It's such a beautiful language that almost anything sounds better. I don't know what it said, but I could vote for something that sounded so melodic.

The Lawyerese version, on the other hand, reminded me of those assembly instructions that come with that tool shed made in China you purchased in a box that says "EZ to assemble," which it probably would be if all the parts were there, if they fit and if you could understand the instructions.

You must have heard about the proposed change. Gov. Charlie Crist has been running TV ads supporting it. On the other hand, I read Mother Trib's editorial, which said it might not be such a good idea.

The other day my mom asked me how she should vote on it so I figured I'd better give it a shot and read the proposal.

Off To A Good Start ...

My first suggestion is you don't wait until you are standing at the voting station to try to read this thing through and figure it out.

I got through the first sentence, which reads, "This revision proposes changes to the State Constitution relating to property taxation." OK, I thought, this is going to be a piece of cake. Just read what the changes are and make a decision.

Then things got a little fuzzy.

Do you remember how it was when you bought your first home and you had to sit in the real estate agent's office and they kept shoving papers in your face for you to sign, and after a while it became a blur? This one is like that.

... Then The Lights Go Out

I got down to about where it reads "... not more than 2 years after relinquishing their previous homestead; except, if this revision is approved by the electors in January of 2008, and if the new homestead is established on January 1, 2008, the previous homestead must have been relinquished in 2007, if the newer homestead has a higher just value than the previous one, the accumulated benefits revert to the King of Spain and you promise to love, honor and obey and is that your final answer? Deal or no deal? Please don't squeeze the Charmin and where's the beef?"

That last paragraph may not have been exactly the way it is written, I'm paraphrasing here, but the truth is, if you understand this thing then you are not the person I want sitting next to me at a dinner party.

You know, I've met the governor and I know he can speak in simple sentences, so you get a little nervous when you see something that needs a translator.

This may or may not be a good amendment, but until somebody puts it on the ballot in plain English, I think I'll pass on this one.

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