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Cold Reality Is This One Is A Mismatch

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By MARTIN FENNELLY | The Tampa Tribune

Published: January 20, 2008

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. - Into the valley of death ...

There's a nip in the air in the valley of death, and a mountain way above it, and neither is as frigid as the cold truth facing the San Diego Chargers in today's AFC Championship Game.

San Diego running back LaDainian Tomlinson, the Most Valuable Player in the NFL last season, one of the best players in the world, said, well, just listen:

"We're playing perhaps the greatest team ever to play football, and so we've got a heck of a task, and we just hope we don't get embarrassed."

And we just hope we don't get embarrassed.

Have you ever heard anything like that?

So much for Namath guarantees.

There is something about the 17-0 New England Patriots that knocks the Joe Willie out of people, leaving them with only the willies.

Stuck On The Tracks

The Chargers are in the way.

They're in the way of history.

They're in the way like the Rams were in the way of the 1985 Bears in the NFC title game.

They're in the way like the Redskins were in the way of the perfect Dolphins in Super Bowl VI.

It doesn't matter that San Diego has won eight consecutive games or oozes true playmakers.

They're in the way.

Destiny is an express train, no stops.

And this little engine that could can't.

How about the possible quarterback mismatch of Tom Brady vs. Billy Volek?

How about the coaching mismatch of Bill Belichick vs. Norval Eugene Turner?

Norv!

The Patriots could film their own defensive signals, ship them to the Chargers, and not lose.

Brady could jet around the world with Jessica Simpson, come straight from the airport and not lose.

Throw in the expected weather (cold and windy), Tomlinson's bad knee, tight end Antonio Gates' bad toe, Philip Rivers' bad knee and big mouth and Igor lineman/idiot of San Diego saying the Patriots should be worried. Or, as Marty Feldman said when he played Igor in "Young Frankenstein":

"What hump?"

The Chargers have a bone to pick. The Chargers went 14-2 last season, only to lose to New England in the playoffs. Tomlinson, for one, went crazy when New England celebrated on the Chargers' home field.

The Chargers have come a long way. They began the season 1-4, and Norv Turner seemed the worst coaching hire in league history.

Now Norv - Norv! - has the Bolts where Marty Schottenheimer never took them.

Last week, the Chargers beat the Colts down the stretch without Rivers and Tomlinson.

Thirteen years ago, en route to their only Super Bowl, the Chargers upset the Steelers in Pittsburgh to win the AFC title, sparked by a touchdown pass from one Stan Humphries to the one and only Alfred Pupunu.

Imagine if Rivers the strutting punk can't go today because of that partial ACL tear.

It would be Billy Volek against Pat Perfection.

Anybody smell Pupunu?

A Daunting Climb

If the Chargers win today, it would be the story of the year - maybe any year.

Oh, maybe the Patriots will be distracted. Randy Moss was just slapped with a restraining order by a woman accusing him of battery. And, yes, the Chargers are hot.

Then why does it feel so cold?

Sir Edmund Hillary died last week. More than half a century ago, he became the first man atop Mount Everest.

What hump?

Anything can be conquered.

But I'll tell you what never happened.

Sir Ed never stood at the bottom of Everest and said, "And we just hope we don't get embarrassed."

Comes now Mount Belichick.

Baby, it's cold outside.

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