TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

Preparing For A Heck Of A Bachelor Party

ADVERTISEMENT

By Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: July 8, 2008

Yes, brothers and sisters, that probably was the pitter-patter of 27 charming-as-the-dickens electoral votes scampering across the grounds of the governor's mansion.

Ain't love grand?

And so, Charlie Crist, our fancy-free governor, the Warren Beatty of the Apalachee Parkway, the George Clooney of the Republican Party, the Tom Brady of the National Center For Public Policy Research, is getting hitched to the ever-comely recent divorcee Carole Rome, who got the United Kingdom in the settlement.

Apparently Rome is a sort of heiress to the family whoopee cushion novelty fortune, which suggests next year's legislative session might be funnier than usual.

These two cuckoo kids announced a few days ago that they decided to tie the knot, thus bringing to an end Crist's long-standing (and hotly debated) single status.

In the absence of any hard evidence to the contrary, we should all simply assume that the fetching Ms. Rome, who got the Alps in the settlement, makes the governor go all goo-goo in the knees, thus leading to the yet-to-be-detailed marriage date sometime this fall, presumably after Nov. 4.

Just A Pinch

Alas, there might be just one, or perhaps two, cynics out there who viewed the governor's engagement with just a wisp, just a hint, just the merest pinch of skepticism, thinking that there could be a tad of a political equation associated with the coming nuptials.

You know how some people can be.

For although it is anybody's guess whether Crist will wind up as John McCain's running mate, it is pretty clear that without a spouse, or at least a spouse-in-waiting, all this speculation was going to be more of a pipedream than Ron Paul, R-Crazy Nut, thinking he was going to deliver the keynote address at the Republican National Convention.

Snide Comparisons

The nation has had one bachelor vice president, William Rufus de Vane King, who served for 45 days as Franklin Pierce's No. 2 in 1853 before checking out to that bucket of warm spit in the sky.

But King is best remembered as another Washington bachelor and future President James Buchanan's housemate for 15 years. When you have battled persistent rumors about your sexual orientation, as Crist has, the last thing the McCain campaign would have needed would have been snide comparisons to King.

So it seems the arrival of Rome, who got OPEC in the settlement, into Crist's heart occurred at a remarkably propitious time.

The future first lady of Florida, or maybe the Second Lady of the Land, has two daughters, ages 11 and 9, who obviously can go cutesie-a-cutesie with Barack Obama's tots.

Still, when you've been single as long as Crist, one can get settled in one's ways. There goes the "Dogs Playing Poker" art piece. The Sansabelt ensemble could be in trouble, too. And the Florida Department of Law Enforcement code name, Mr. Stud Muffin Pants, could be a thing of the past.

However, Rome, who got Cartier in the settlement, could be in for a real treat.

Just imagine! Minneapolis in the summertime! Does Charlie know how to show a girl a good time, or what?

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

Share this:

Loading Comments...

Email Print

ADVERTISEMENT