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Chicken Cancer? Heck If I Know. Jap Chae? Now That's Legit

Photo by JADEN HAIR

Jap chae is an ideal summertime dish because these noodles can be served at room temperature or even slightly chilled.

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By JADEN HAIR

Tribune correspondent

Published: July 15, 2008

The software that runs my Web site has a nifty little feature that tells me what terms people are entering into the search box when they come to SteamyKitchen.com. Although smart authors would probably use this information to enhance their site and serve the needs of their readers, the only reason I check this page is for comic relief.

Most terms are legit, such as a recipe for jap chae, but at least once a day, I find a gem, something that just makes me giggle. It's a total mystery why someone would come to my Asian recipes Web site and enter into the search box: "what foods give you spots" and expect that I have the answer!? I doubt if these people ever found what they were searching for on my blog, but I wanted to take the time to address these curious questions and concerns:

Egg fried rice secret smell: There should be no secret smell to your fried rice. Maybe you're using rotten eggs? Dishes that you serve really shouldn't have secret smells. That's totally gross.

Burger shrink: Thank you, but my hamburgers are emotionally stable. No therapy needed.

Horrid Chinese chicken: Most Chinese chickens are pretty nice. Sometimes if you get a mother hen that enjoys nagging and bossing chicks around, yes, then the hen might be a little horrid. But that's nothing that a bottle of wine can't handle. That's how the Chinese came to invent the dish Drunken Chicken.

White stuff that goes out of salmon: I don't know ... maybe the salmon has some sort of chickenpox? Bad case of acne? My advice: If your salmon has pus, don't eat it. But how you landed on my site is a mystery. I've never written a recipe for diseased salmon.

Chinese chicken cancer: Is this like the Beijing bird flu? Symptoms of the Chinese chicken cancer are: a sudden uncontrollable urge to peck at your computer screen; hair falling out in clumps, leaving you with a mohawk "comb"; strange feeling of wanting to sit on your computer mouse to keep it warm; and, lastly, waking up at the crack of dawn and scaring your mate by screeching "BAAAAKKKAAAACCCCKKKKKK!!!!!" You need professional help. None of my recipes will cure this.

And for the rest of you, here's a recipe for jap chae, the No. 10 most-popular search term on my site.

The noodles used in this dish are made from sweet potato starch and become translucent when cooked, which is how they got their English name, "glass noodles." They are also gluten-free and are wonderfully springy and light.

You can use any type of fresh mushrooms, such as shiitake or even the standard button mushroom, but traditionally, dried wood ear mushrooms, found in most Asian markets, are used. Just rehydrate the mushrooms in warm water for 15 minutes, drain and they will be ready for your stir-fry. I love making this dish in the summertime because you can serve these noodles at room temperature or even slightly chilled.

KOREAN GLASS NOODLES - JAP CHAE

1/2 cup wood ear mushrooms (or sliced fresh shiitake)

8 ounces dried Korean sweet potato noodles

21/2 teaspoons sesame oil, divided

2 tablespoons soy sauce

2 teaspoons sugar

1 tablespoon cooking oil

3/4 cup thinly sliced onions

2 carrots, cut into matchsticks

2 cloves garlic, finely minced

3 stalks scallions, cut into 1-inch lengths

1/2 pound spinach, washed well and drained

1 tablespoon sesame seeds

If using dried wood ear mushrooms, soak the mushrooms in a bowl filled with warm water until the mushrooms are hydrated, about 15 minutes. To cook the noodles, fill a large pot with water and boil. When water is boiling, add the noodles and cook for 5 minutes. Immediately drain and rinse with cold water. Drain again and toss with 1 teaspoon of the sesame oil. Use kitchen shears to cut noodles into shorter pieces, about 8 inches in length. Set aside.

In bowl, mix soy sauce and sugar together. Add the cooking oil in a wok or large saute pan on high heat and swirl to coat. When the cooking oil is hot but not smoking, fry onions and carrots until just softened, about 1 minute. Add the garlic, scallions and mushrooms; fry 30 seconds. Then add the spinach, soy sauce, sugar and the noodles. Fry 2 to 3 minutes until the noodles are cooked through. Grab one of the noodle strands - it should be springy and easy to bite into. Turn off heat, toss with sesame seeds and the remaining 11/2 teaspoons of sesame oil.

Makes 4 servings.

Jaden Hair is a cooking instructor and author of the blog Steamy Kitchen at www.steamykitchen.com.

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