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Wow, You Have A Very Nice, Uh, Ceiling

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: July 19, 2008

Years ago, a co-worker asked me to help him with an errand he had to run in Pasco County and, without giving it much thought, I said sure, no problem.

We drove for a while, finally pulling into a pleasant subdivision, and eventually my friend found the house he was looking for, only to be met by a very naked middle-aged man, who was soon joined by his very naked wife. Very.

I don't believe I ever spent more time admiring a ceiling in my entire life.

You can be sure that I was very careful not to ask for "two lumps" of sugar when she served coffee.

Unwittingly, I had been exposed (in more ways than one, certainly two) to the Lake Como nudist colony in Pasco County. It also turned out that my colleague was a naturist himself, which was waaaaaaaay more information than I really needed to know.
Birthday Suit Capital

Just how Pasco became the nation's birthday suit capital isn't clear, but places like Land O' Lakes have become the Detroit of derrieres, the Akron of T&A, the Pittsburgh of penises, the Louisville of loins and now, apparently, the Chicago of coo-coo-ca-choo.

In a masterstroke of counter-intuition, Pasco's nudist communities have always marketed themselves as places where the participants are dull, droll, boring folks who simply prefer to walk around in the altogether.

Why? I have no idea.

The notion that sex (egad!) would in any way enter into the equation of Men-Plus-Women-Plus-LOOK AT THAT!!!!-Doesn't Equal-Va-Va-Va-Voom was promoted in as much a state of denial as Barstool-Plus-Gin-Plus-Ice-Doesn't-Equal-Drinking.

So when Caliente Resorts started hyping the concept that all these naked people hanging around (bad word choice, perhaps) the complex would (ahem) eventually lead to making more whoopee than Wilt Chamberlain meets Madonna, the American Association for Nude Recreation got its ..., its, ... uh, its ..., well, something or other in a wad.

In-The-Buff Crowd Meets Swappers?

Apparently Caliente Resorts was willing to participate in an adult trade show called Swingfest 2008, where a representative would lead a workshop promoting the coexistence of partner swappers and the in-the-buff crowd.

That was too much for the too little American Association of Nude Recreation, which moved to revoke Caliente's member-ship (bad word choice, perhaps).

Just how much of a hindrance losing the association's Good Codpiece Seal of Approval is remains an open question.

After all, Caliente Resorts was already offering stuff like "Arabian Nights" parties, where revelers dressed up like genies, kings and/or queens, as well as an "Eyes Wide Shut" event, in homage to Stanley Kubrick's very weird final movie, encouraging attendees to wear masks. At least something was covered up!

As well, with all the attendant publicity, along with plenty of hype on the Internet, Caliente Resorts appears to be getting more than its fair share of (forgive me, I can't resist) revealing flackery.

One thing has been bugging me, though. When you check into Caliente Resorts, where do you keep your wallet, your room key? On second thought, never mind.

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

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