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Post-Bonfire Advice For Future Mrs.

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By TOM JACKSON

The Tampa Tribune

Published: July 23, 2008

Now that it's all over but the commentary, we wonder whether the case against Pamela Reynolds went as far as it did solely because she once swapped ("swapped" being the operative verb) vows of fidelity, affinity and affection with a fellow who once played cornerback for a living.

Oh, Pam Reynolds did the deed. Having discovered belongings of a strange female in the bedroom of her duplicitous husband, Pamela dumped the lot, plus some of her estranged old man's football memorabilia, on the driveway of the family domicile in Lake Jovita and torched it, creating a righteous bonfire of the vanities ... and, no doubt, providing the centerpiece for a sweeps-month episode of "Desperate Housewives."

Monday, legal documents conceding her activities and bearing her hand were exchanged for reducing a charge that was absurdly high in the first place.

Overcharging The Crime

If Ricky Reynolds hadn't spent seven seasons dogging opposition passes for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Pamela's spontaneous combustion might have fizzled out months ago, with restitution, three days of public service, probation and, in a nod to her role as the woman scorned, adjudication withheld.

In retrospect, that whole "felony criminal mischief" business wreaks of book-balancing on behalf of Ricky's seasons in shocking tangerine jerseys and helmets plastered with Buccaneer Bruce. Shame on Bernie McCabe for standing by the felony charge; this was a metaphorical personal foul: piling on.

Of course, Pamela could have handled things better. Absent heart-hammering emotion, Pamela would have collected the offending material into handle-tie trash bags, rented space at a self-storage complex, secured it with a Masterlock and mailed the keys to her attorney.

Want your stuff? Let's make a deal, beginning with: Stay outta my house.

Too late for the former Mrs. Reynolds, we offer this as advice for any future Mrs. Reynoldses. After all, as noted by the late and ever-wise Ann Landers, a woman who marries a man who cheats on his wife ... is getting a husband who cheats on his wife.

As for Lori Smith, the 41-year-old who foolishly allowed her belongings to be stashed in another woman's home while she went bowling with her new honey and the Other Woman's children, is it not clear to grown-ups in the audience that this was, is and ever shall be a recipe for trouble?

Oh, that's right: The Other Woman came back early from a trip. Everything would have been fine if she had simply kept her original schedule. She messed things up.

Wrong answer. If doing the right thing when no one is looking reflects good character, propriety is secure from shifting circumstances.

Identifying Wrong Bad Guy

Truthfully, the misbehaving ex-cornerback and his complicit gal pal set the keystone in this entire affair. But because she overreacted to the couple's provocation, Pamela Reynolds emerges the bad guy.

As this is written, Smith has assumed Pamela's former life. She lives in Pamela's house, keeps company with the man Pamela cheered from the stands for 10 NFL seasons, has influence over Pamela's three children.

And still she is unsatisfied: Maintaining her public presence, Smith pursues a civil suit claiming damages for economic prospects consumed in Pamela's driveway pyre.

Smith proceeds at the risk of kindling a new blaze, turning up the heat on her role, scrutinized.

Columnist Tom Jackson can be reached at (813) 948-4219.

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