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Tarballs, Anyone?

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By BUZZ KELLY

The Tampa Tribune

Published: July 31, 2008

So, George Bush held a presser on the White House lawn, saying - like the oilman he is - we need to drill more wells in the Gulf of Mexico. If you're geographically challenged, that means, among other places, the pristine blue waters you see off Clearwater Beach.

Bush seems to think putting drill rigs on our coastline will magically lower the price of gas, and we'll all be happy and vote Republican. Well, sorry, but nobody on the planet agrees with him except a few talk-show hosts and the 28 percent of dead-enders who still think he's doing a good job.

Fact is, putting in a new rig tomorrow won't help change the price of gas anytime short of 10 years from now. Even the best brains at Big Oil admit that. And what will we consumers get in return? Tarballs.

I have walked beaches from Galveston to Mexico, in Big Sur and Monterey and Venice, and the sands are lovely , but there are tarballs on the beaches. A bottle of Johnson's baby oil or a can of WD-40 is a necessity to get the goop off your feet before returning to your hotel or condo.

The tarballs come from offshore oil rigs, which are plainly visible. Fly over the Gulf, and you can see them everywhere, with their long downstream slicks glistening in the sunshine. Drive the Pacific Coast Highway, and the rigs are right there in clear view, Daliesque sculptures in steel.

Now, lest you think I'm some flaming green tree-hugger with no idea of how energy economics work, I want to be perfectly clear and honest about this: Tarballs are not something the oil companies do on purpose. It's just a byproduct of their work. Oil spills and it seeps out, it floats on the waves, and it eventually comes to shore. Perfectly natural. Not very nice if you step in it, and it doesn't make sea birds happy, but who eats seagulls anyway?

But Bush and some agitated pundits say we need to put drill rigs off our beaches right away. What I'm wondering is, are we so committed to cheap gas, even if we have to wait 10 years for it, that we'll accept tarballs on Clearwater beach? Because if we're that selfish, that will be the result: tarballs on some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. And gas will still be $4 a gallon, or more.

Buzz Kelly is a Tampa native, former advertising executive, and freelance writer.

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