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Hey, Teacher, Leave Those Cakes Alone

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: June 4, 2008

Hey, Teacher, Leave Those Cakes Alone

The big food news of the week: School board members in Arlington Heights, Ill., voted to ban birthday cakes and cupcakes from classrooms next year as part of a new wellness policy. Birthday parties are still OK. It's just the baked goods that suffer under a new zero-tolerance policy.

Parents decried the decision as another example of "nanny state" thinking, but maybe Superintendent Sarah Jerome didn't take it far enough. Why stop at cupcakes? Why not just ban all food consumption on campus? Sure, vegetables and fruit will be fragged, but you never know when someone will snap and dip a strawberry into some chocolate. Plus, you'd also be getting rid of the terrible coffee in the teacher's lounge. Bonus!

You'd logically have to extend the ban to any hint of food. That includes library books. Ban those, too. All of them. Banning books is a great idea, every time.

Spare the food, spoil the child, we say. Sure beats the hassle of teaching the merits of moderation and nutrition and an appreciation of food as more than just human fuel. A hungry child is a child who hungers for learning.

Or not. But what do we know? We're too busy eating cupcakes as a show of solidarity to our student brothers and sisters in Illinois.

Jeff Houck

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