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Oh, Nicky? This Isn't Like Abu Ghraib

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: June 5, 2008

Clearly one of the perverse benefits of sitting in a jail cell is that it has afforded Nick Bollea, the Village Brat of Pinellas County, the opportunity to come up with ways to be an even bigger dimwit than he was the day before.

Since he pleaded no contest last month to a charge of reckless driving involving serious bodily injury, which resulted in his friend, Marine and Iraq war veteran John Graziano, being confined to a bed with massive brain injuries, the 17-year-old son of professional cartoon character Hulk Hogan has spent the first month of an eight-month jail sentence doing more self-pitying weeping than "The Crying Game."

Of course, he has taken brief timeouts from treating his sentence like it was something out of Dr. Phil meets "The Green Mile" to plot with his phony wrestler patriarch of New Age bloviating to create a reality show about his incarceration and "rehabilitation."

For His Own Protection

There's a certain Greek slang term that best sums up the Bollea saga. What we have here is a real Ghifteeko situation. Think "Deliverance" of the Aegean.

Still, just when you thought this mother of all lowlife scenarios couldn't get any more tawdry, Bollea and his mouthpieces asked and failed to get a judge to allow this twerp to serve his sentence on house arrest at the family's manse, largely because their client really doesn't care very much for the jail's accommodations.

Because of his age and notoriety, Bollea, for his own protection, is being kept in a segregated section of the jail. When he turns 18 on July 27, Bollea will be eligible to be moved to a minimum security area of the jail, where he will be able to mingle and engage in social discourse with other inmates.

And what a Phi Beta Kappa moment that will be.

Bollea's crack legal team of Kevin Hayslett and Sandy Weinberg argued their product of inner-whimpering is being subject to "cruel and unusual punishment," which sorta makes you wonder if these two chaps attended The Bowery Boys School of Law and Lawn Mower Repair.

Due Process Denied?

Has this twit been waterboarded, denied food or access to lawyers or visitation with family or clean clothes or due process? Has he been deprived of sleep? Has he been physically abused by corrections officers? No-squared.

No doubt there are many other youthful offenders doing time in Pinellas County Jail who probably don't like being behind bars any more than Nick Bollea. Should they be allowed to go home to their mommies simply because being locked up is no fun?

Since no one else in his inner circle seems to be willing to explain some facts of life to the Blue Boy of Bellair, perhaps this space might be of some small service.

You committed an egregious crime that left another human being brain damaged for the rest of his life. You got off easy with eight months.

If any cruel and unusual punishment occurred here, it happened at birth when you were left to be reared by a couple of indulgent chuckleheads with all the parenting skills of a bag of turnbuckles. You would have been better off being raised by wolves.

As for doing time, there are these things called - books.

Here's a good one to start with: "Crime and Punishment."

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

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