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Hulk's Visit With King Is A Royal Pain

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: June 14, 2008

It's probably a law somewhere that when you've become the national Sad Sack, you must appear on "The Larry King Show" in an effort to rehabilitate an image more in tatters than the Little Match Girl.

Thus it was that make-believe he-man Hulk Hogan, wearing a lovely ensemble of an orange do-rag with a matching cheesy undershirt (very classy), took to the airwaves this week while Mr. Cupcake lobbed more fat, juicy, sloppy softballs across the plate than you'd see at the AARP company picnic.

The professional cartoon character was in full damage-control mode in the case of his son, Nick, who is pulling an eight-month stretch in the Pinellas County Jail after pleading no contest to a charge of reckless driving involving serious injury, which has left his friend, Marine and Iraq war veteran John Graziano, with massive brain injuries.

The Incredible Sulk

What a perfect opportunity it was for Sulk Hogan to spin his lad's tale of woe in using Larry King, a man with all the inquisitiveness of Sgt. Schultz, as his personal Charlie McCarthy to ask the questions.

During his first few weeks in the hoosegow, Nick Bollea has done more whining than Jan Brady at a Marcia rally about the conditions of his cell, the food and the general quality of life behind bars.

Indeed, this twerp's mouthpieces at one point attempted to argue that their crybaby client was being subjected to "cruel and unusual punishment," as if Nick Bollea was being incarcerated in the hole at Attica.

The Daddio from Hell perpetrated that myth, telling King, who is more clueless than an Irish Setter, that his lad had originally been confined in a "padded cell" in the jail's "mental ward," which certainly had to conjure up images out of "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest."

In truth, it was all a lie.

"There are no padded cells in the jail," said Pinellas sheriff's spokeswoman Cecilia Barreda, who also noted there isn't a mental ward in the facility.

Barreda said young Bollea was kept in the jail's health care wing for evaluation during the first day or so of his sentence, which is routine procedure for all prisoners entering the corrections system.

Father Dearest

Hogan also misrepresented the position of Sheriff Jim Coats on the release of the now famous audio tapes between the fake wrestler and his calculating son, in which these two silly people discussed profiting off a reality show on Nick Bollea's time in jail.

Father Dearest told King that Coats, too, had been upset with the release of the tapes. For the record, the sheriff said: "I feel personally those conversations should be restricted to family and law enforcement."

But Coats quickly added the release of the tapes was perfectly lawful. "I was not upset about it," he said.

Still, for sheer hayseed chutzpah, nothing topped the faux Macho Man's response when King asked him about criticisms from the Graziano family of being little more than a mercenary phony for trying to profit off the horrific injuries suffered by Nick's friend.

Hogan said he "... forgives the Grazianos."

That was just fine with a fawning King, whose famous braces come in handy in suspending disbelief, too.

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

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