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Rowdies Fill Void We Didn't Know Existed

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By DANIEL RUTH

The Tampa Tribune

Published: June 24, 2008

Youthful ambition is a wonderful thing.

And so, at the risk of coming off as a cynical old coot dashing the hopes and dreams of two freshly scrubbed chaps, Andre Nestor and Hinds Howard, I gently pass along a rather prescient joke I heard the other day.

Do you know why so many children love to play soccer?

So they don't have to watch it.

This might explain why I never became a captain of industry. But it seems to me that if I were contemplating starting a business of some kind it would seem rather foolhardy to enter an arena of proven failure.

Wouldn't this be like waking up and thinking to oneself, "Eureka! By Jove, I've got it! I think I'll start an airline!"

Nevertheless, the fact that this community has embraced professional soccer with all the enthusiasm of Khalid Sheikh Mohammed eyeing a waterboard still did not dissuade Nestor and Howard from announcing they planned to reintroduce one of the most stultifying athletic endeavors once more to the Tampa Bay area.

You may go back to sleep now.

Yawn Squared

The new team will be known as the Tampa Bay Rowdies in a savvy marketing ploy to remind everyone of the first failed soccer franchise, which played here from 1975 to 1986 as part of the North American (YAWN!) Soccer League.

As well, there was also the Tampa Bay Mutiny, a member of the oxymoronically titled Major League Soccer, which played from 1996 to about 2001, which proved to be about as popular as cold peas.

In what may become a fairly keen financial move Nestor, 25, and Hines, 26, (My gawd, I have shoes older than these kids!) have also brought David Laxer, president of Bern's Steak House, into the mix. After all, if you're going to do something this problematic it is probably a shrewd idea to have someone with an almost bottomless wine cellar at hand.

What Void?

You would think that after two - count 'em, two - disbanded soccer franchises, our budding entrepreneurs might well have asked themselves a simple question: Why is it that the old teams folded?

Quite obviously, it is this: Soccer at any level is a game of incredible boredom, tedium and dullness, occasionally disrupted by moments of malaise, ennui and catatonia.

In announcing their plans, it was noted the Tampa Bay Rowdies 2.0 will be a minor league First Division club of the United Soccer League, which prompts a thought How do you tell the difference?

Longer comas? Earlier fits of drooling? More intense vows of silence? And that's just among the players on the field. Up in the stands, it is probably even more mind-numbing among the fans - both of them.

You'll not be shocked to know the two lads want to put up a new stadium for their team, which has to be a bit like building a garage for a Yugo. But at least they're learning how to be sports moguls-in-waiting.

"Without a pro team here, we felt there was a void we could help fill," Nestor said. Isn't that precious?

The problem these young men are apt to learn is that when it comes to soccer, this town is rather fond of its void. Anybody have a corkscrew?

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

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