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Notes On Teachers Dressed To Krill, Um, Thrill, And More Elections Bull

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: May 4, 2008

Of course, we are all supposed to be aghast at the allegations against Stephanie Ragusa, the middle school teacher who allegedly can't say "no" when it comes to playing show and tell with her students, but it sent some readers down memory lane.

And what a naughty lane it was, too.

"I recall, as a high school senior being propositioned by my 'hottie' English teacher," wrote the then-clueless soldier62. "Unfortunately the 'pass' was so nuanced that I was too dense to recognize it at the time.

"My only excuse: it was the '50s! How times have changed."

Oh I know how you feel, my friend.

When I was in the fourth grade I was madly, head-over-heels in love with my teacher, Miss Krill, who was a statuesque redhead with huge ... uh ... eyes, yeah that's the ticket, really huge eyes, both of them.

In a grade school crawling with nuns from the Order of the Blessed Waterboarding, Miss Krill stood out in more ways than one. And - she spoke French!

Day after day, I had fantasies of running away with Miss Krill, but she would have had to drive. Alas, it wasn't to be.

By fifth grade I was returned to the clutches of Sister Mary Chemical Ali. But to paraphrase Bogart to Bergman in "Casablanca," "We'll always have fourth grade."

From The Cracker Barrel
On the subject of Florida's Democratic primary delegate nuclear winter, Betty Cracker (what a fun name) weighed in with this: "There's a difference between general elections and primary elections," she wrote, wrongly.

"The parties have a right to determine primary election rules, and as the presence of caucuses demonstrate, it's not all about one man, one vote."

The caucus issue is, of course, irrelevant since Florida decides its primary by ballot.

An election is an election is an election. Participants must be legally registered voters, participating in a process administered by a supervisor of elections. The same state laws governing general elections also govern primaries.

Finally, the thousands of men and women who have died defending democracy didn't give the ultimate sacrifice for all things American - with the exception of primary elections.

But wait! Betty wasn't quite finished, taking a column to task on the Florida and Michigan primary kerfuffles, namely, the suggestion it was irrelevant if Obama was on the Michigan ballot or declined to campaign in Florida.

"And are you seriously claiming that it is irrelevant who was or was not on the MI ballot," she asked. "Saddam Hussein should posthumously issue a commendation to you for legitimizing his many landslide victories."

Cute, but again wrong.

It was irrelevant who was or was not on the Michigan ballot because Barack Obama made the unilateral decision to remove his name, as well as deciding for himself not to campaign in Florida.

There is a huge difference between a dictator forbidding political opposition and a candidate in this country choosing of his own free will not to compete.

As Gen. McAuliffe Said: Nuts!

And finally, Robert Vijil wrote in reaction to a column on an effort in the Florida Legislature to legally ban faux bull testicles from hanging off the rear bumpers of vehicles.

"In Sunday's column you wondered what could be done with the soon-to-be surplus of bull testicles," Vijil mused. "I recommend we donate them to the fine folks at CSX," which has been at the center of a controversial $650 million negotiated-in-secret deal with the Florida Department of Transportation to buy 61 miles of Orlando-area rail lines.

"They can be used to decorate the crossing arms in Polk County along the proposed stretch of ... track line," he added. "After all, we have given CSX everything else, might as well give them our b..."

Well, you get the general idea.

Keyword: Book of Ruth

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