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Do You Have A Burning Desire?

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By PHILIP MORGAN

The Tampa Tribune

Published: May 9, 2008

I wasn't too sensitive about turning 60, the age when people take their first baby steps into codgerhood.

I did feel singled out a couple of months later, though, when I received a letter from the Neptune Society offering "Free Pre-Paid Cremation!"

My first thought was, is that a line that calls for an exclamation point? It's not like I won the Florida lottery. I wasn't tempted to call my friends and brag, "Guess who's getting incinerated for free!"

And, by the way, how can something be free and prepaid?

That happens only for the very lucky. If I fill out an enclosed form and return it to the Neptune Society, my name will be thrown into the hopper for the monthly drawing. If I win, I get all my cremation costs taken care of in advance. Presumably, I don't have to claim the prize until I die. A Graham W. Brimhall was February's lucky winner. It's hard to suppress the envy.

I made it six decades without getting an offer in the mail for free prepaid cremation, so why did the folks at the Neptune Society contact me now? Do they know something I don't?

"The only thing we know is that you turned 60," says Juan Gonzalez, vice president of marketing for the Neptune Society, based in Fort Lauderdale. That's the magic age when the well-known cremation company starts sending out solicitations.

Only occasionally does someone complain about being too young to get such a notice, Gonzalez says. The company has found that 60 is the age when people start considering such offers. Any younger, and they're more likely to toss the mailer in the trash, he notes.

I might as well get used to it. Chances are my mailbox soon will be flooded with pitches for nursing homes, walkers, drool bibs and incontinence wear. If I'm lucky, I might win my final arrangements. I'll have more opportunities, Gonzalez says.

"You'll probably get three mailers a year."

Reporter Philip Morgan can be reached at (813) 259-7609 or pmorgan@tampatrib.com.

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