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Father's Ashes Stolen As Thieves Ransack House
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Published: May 11, 2008
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TAMPA - The plan was to scatter the ashes of her father over the St. Johns River on Florida's east coast, at the spot where he enjoyed spending his final years catching shrimp.
Until then, Mary Vars, 50, kept the remains of Roger Kasouf Sr. inside a plain cardboard box, safe in one of her bedroom closets. The ashes were a source of comfort for Vars and her brother, Roger Kasouf Jr., as they struggled to come to terms with the death of their father five years ago.
But on Wednesday, burglars broke through the front door of Vars' Wesley Chapel house, ransacked it and made off with a laptop and some personal items, including her father's ashes.
"It has no value to them," Vars said Saturday. "We just really want the ashes back."
The intruders struck in broad daylight, while Vars and her brother were out lunching with friends from out of town.
When they returned a few hours later, they found a house that "was basically totally dumped upside down," Vars said.
The intruders dumped every book off the shelves in her library. They pulled out dresser drawers and emptied the contents on the floor. Police told her they were probably looking for money, guns or drugs.
"The police said it's becoming more of a trend because of the economy," she said. "They said they probably were inside in 10 seconds and probably out in less than 10 minutes."
The ashes were kept inside a brown bag with handles from Hodges Family Funeral Home in Dade City. The bag sat inside a brown cardboard box.
The box was stored in one of two fireproof home safes that Vars kept unlocked, since they contained such things as high school and college diplomas, she said, items with no value to anyone else.
Her father's wish was to have the ashes spread underneath a bridge on the St. Johns River, where he and her mother, Gloria, used to go shrimping when they lived in Brevard County.
"This is the fifth anniversary," said Vars, whose mother now lives with her. "We've all been kind of climaxing to this as the time when we take dad shrimping one more time."
Her father grew up in upstate New York, working as a tool and die maker before going into the restaurant business. He and Gloria retired to the Sunshine State in 1978.
"He was just an amazing person," Vars said. "He would do anything for you. He'd give you the shirt off his back. He was a good man. He doesn't deserve to be just cast aside."
She said she is struggling with a range of emotions: sadness, disbelief, guilt.
"And, of course, the guilt is just overwhelming for my brother and I," she said. "Because it was our selfishness to keep him longer that has us in this predicament."
She hopes the burglars will "have a little pity" and send the ashes back or at least let somebody know where they can be found.
The Pasco County Sheriff's Office has set up a hot line at 1-800-706-2488 for anyone with information about the crime.
Reporter Carlos Moncada can be reached at (727) 451-2333 or cmoncada@tampatrib.com.
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Reader Comments
Posted by ( RobKay ) on May 11, 2008 at 8:07 a.m. ( Suggest removal )
Keeping the remains of some dead relative laying around the house in a cardboard box sounds kinda sick to me. They don't need the box back, they need a therapist.
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Posted by ( batesx4 ) on May 11, 2008 at 10:24 a.m. ( Suggest removal )
RobKay, your comment was very rude, I have some of my dads ashes and a memory self in my living room, I think you're the one that needs a therapist!!!!
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Posted by ( gina1108 ) on May 11, 2008 at 10:40 a.m. ( Suggest removal )
I see nothing wrong with keeping the ashes of your loved ones...But most people keep them displayed in a lovely urn or something to that effect. Not in a cardboard box, stuffed in a safe for five years. That is kind of creepy.
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Posted by ( DandV791998 ) on May 11, 2008 at 6:49 p.m. ( Suggest removal )
1. RobKay and gina1108, His ashes were delivered to the family in the box because the plan was to spread the ashes per his wishes. As the daughter said, “…it was our selfishness to keep him longer that has us in this predicament."
2. My Grandfather’s ashes are in a box in my Grandmother’s home. Why? Because one day she to will pass on and their ashes will be spread together.
3. I find that “displaying” anyone’s ashes in an urn or a box is creepy, no mater how beautiful the display is.
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Posted by ( MamaMagic ) on May 12, 2008 at 12:46 a.m. ( Suggest removal )
The ashes are returned from the crematorium in a cardboard box with the name of the crematorium printed on the outside of the box. We kept my father-in-law's ashes for 11 years until my mother-in-law died; then they were scattered in the Atlantic Ocean together. It's not an unusual way of disposal, to hold them for joint scattering--it happens all the time. I personally think cremation itself is creepy, but it was my in-laws' choice, and none of my business; it's not my place to judge.
The point isn't the reason or length of time they are kept before scattering. The point is some jerk broke into someone's home & stole their personal mementos, including cremains. Why are people trying to rationalize the fault as belonging to the daughter? The fault lies with the burglars, who had no business stealing ANYTHING, much less cremains.
I hope the ashes are returned to the family, soon.
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Posted by ( leo1969 ) on May 12, 2008 at 9:09 a.m. ( Suggest removal )
You tell em Mama! The fault lies with the thieves who broke in. My question is WHY would a thief want the ashes of someone they don't even know? What benefit do they get? Wasn't there a story a couple weeks ago about someone's house being broken into and the ashes of a loved one being stolen???
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Posted by ( PinkyPie ) on May 12, 2008 at 11:45 a.m. ( Suggest removal )
I would say that they were in a hurry to grab stuff and grabed the safe without looking in it, hoping it would contain something along the lines of cash or jewerly
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Posted by ( MamaMagic ) on May 12, 2008 at 2:11 p.m. ( Suggest removal )
I would guess that PinkyPie is correct. They were probably too busy grabbing stuff to read the name of the crematorium on the box.
Tell you what--a box of ashes is pretty heavy. Picking up a shoe-box sized box that is that heavy would have made me do a double-take to see what it was, if I was the one heisting them.
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