TBO.com - TBO is Tampa Bay Online

It's A Pity There Aren't 2 More Cells

ADVERTISEMENT

By DANIEL RUTH

The Tampa Tribune

Published: May 13, 2008

As he sits in the Pinellas County Jail for the next several months, young Nick Bollea no doubt may well attribute his predicament to the fact that he is to driving a car what Rudy Giuliani was to running for president of the United States.

Hapless. Incompetent. Arrogant.

Although no judge or prosecutor would ever admit to this, it is probably fair to say Bollea is also serving an intangible concurrent jail term for simply being a complete, unmitigated redneck boob.

Alas, it is a trait that comes all too naturally.

The Speed Racer from hell was hauled off to the hoosegow late last week by Pinellas-Pasco Circuit Judge Philip Federico for his role in August's car wreck that left Marine and Iraq War veteran John Graziano in a brain-damaged, semiconscious state.

In addition to an eight-month jail sentence, the son of phony wrestler Hulk Hogan will serve five years on probation, five years of alcohol restriction and 500 hours of community service. He also won't have his driver's license for three years.

Life Sentence

Oh, and then there's this, too. Nick Bollea has been sentenced to a lifetime of knowledge that he is responsible for Graziano's mental imprisonment. No parole. No pardon. No commutation.

Or at least it would be nice to think so.

During his sentencing hearing before Federico last week, members of Graziano's family noted how, on his visits to the hospital to visit his stricken friend, showing all the sensitivity of a geek show tout, young Bollea skateboarded through the hallways and shot off toy guns.

Not to put too fine a psychological point on this, but when your entire life is wrapped around having a jughead father who has made millions pretending to be some faux macho hero to the gun-rack/dentally challenged crowd by engaging in over-the-top cartoon violence where everybody always manages to survive phony beatings, perhaps young Bollea convinced himself John Graziano, too, would awaken from his coma bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

The Macbeths?

And why not? This slack-jawed lad had been enabled by dopey dysfunctional parents who made the Macbeths seem like Ward and June Cleaver.

Be it figuratively extending a middle finger to a Florida Highway Patrol officer who dubiously gave young Bollea a break for speeding on Alligator Alley while his father was in the car, only to violate the speed limit minutes later, this scion of stupidity lived a charmed life of privilege and excuses for cheesy behavior - until Aug. 26.

If there were true justice, Hulk Hogan and his estranged wife, Linda, would be doing the same amount of time in the slammer as the ne'er-do-well son they created.

Gracious, ever declassee, Hogan wore his "formal" black do-rag to his son's sentencing last week and both the judge and the bailiffs let him get away with the show of disrespect for the court.

Memo to Hulk Hogan: You're bald, get over it. Take off the goofy rag.

If there is a silver lining to young Nick Bollea's circumstances, perhaps it is this: For the next eight months at least, this twerp will get to mingle with a better class of people.

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog.

Share this:

Loading Comments...

Email Print

ADVERTISEMENT