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Resiliency Will Help You Survive

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The Tampa Tribune

Published: May 18, 2008

You don't have a say in setting gas prices. You certainly can't force the real estate market to bounce back. And you cannot control a flagging stock market.

So what can you do? Deal? Ride it out?

My preferred strategy? Get a grip on your spending, your debt load, your income - and come to terms with the fact that the other things will take care of themselves in time.

This is resilience. It's not a new word, by any means, but it does seem to have been reinvigorated by the media and academics.

Luckily, it's not something you have to be born with, says Karen Reivich, co-author of "The Resilience Factor" and co-director of the Penn Resiliency Program at the University of Pennsylvania. "Some people are more naturally resilient, it's true, but what our research shows is that almost anyone can increase their resilience by learning a set of skills."

Here's how to get a grip during these trying times:

Emphasize the positive. We all know someone who just dwells, dwells and dwells some more on everything negative in her life. Heck, we've probably all been there at one point or another - we're hardwired to pay more attention to the bad things in our lives than the good.

Part of being resilient is being optimistic, and so it's important to find ways to put positive emotions in your day, Reivich says. That means illuminating the good stuff that happens to you each day. Write it down, if that helps.

"What we find is that with people who make that a habit, who put it into their daily routine, it increases their positive emotions and that improves resilience," Reivich explains.

Be realistic. A big part of being resilient, says Al Seibert, author of "The Resiliency Advantage," is to ask yourself: "Do I really need to be concerned about this?"

If you have your money in the market through a 401(k), and every time you check your balance it's a little bit lower, it's easy to get worked up. And sure, you could pull out, but then you risk missing out on some great returns once the market bounces back.

Where your money is concerned, you are not always going to win, so you have to be able to stomach the ups and downs of the market. Turn off CNBC, take a walk, stop reading the business section of the paper, see a movie - do whatever it takes to get your mind off your money for a while.

Start listening. "People who have this very harsh internal radio station that plays nothing but negativity over and over again find it difficult to reach their goals, succeed at work and build strong relationships," Reivich says.

You might expect her to advise you to tune it out, but that's not the best way to deal. Instead, you need to turn up the volume so you can hear the negative thoughts loud enough and challenge them with evidence that shoots them down. It's still important to acknowledge when you make a mistake, but don't dwell on it.

Shift your focus. If you're feeling anxiety related to your money, one of the few ways to counteract it is by taking action.

"Perhaps get another job or find another source of income if you're coming up short. But it also means cutting back on your lifestyle," Siebert says. "The key element of being resilient is being adaptable to a new situation."

Start by sitting down and taking a look at your balance sheet. Where are you coming up short? Are there cuts that you can make to your budget?

Often, it's eliminating that one meal you eat out a week or calling up the cable company to see whether you can bundle your TV, Internet and phone. If you still can't make ends meet, talk to your boss about taking overtime hours or, as Siebert suggests, get a Saturday job until you catch up. This market is not forever, so any major changes you make are likely temporary. By the same token, you'll probably learn some good survival skills that will stay with you after things bounce back.

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