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Political Dabblers And A 'Gutless' Pen Pal From Planet Zircon 9 Weigh In

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By Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: May 25, 2008

Not acknowledging that Barack Obama is the finest retail politician on the scene today would have been a bit like giving a rave review to the opening act kazoo player and completely ignoring the main attraction - Elvis.

So when this space had the audacity of the obvious to simply take note of Obama's considerable stump appeal, as demonstrated during his visit to Tampa last week, some of you satisfied customers were so offended you would have thought I had praised Charles Manson for having the best forehead Nazi swastika tattoo in the land.

"Call me conservative," wrote pacfandave. OK, you're conservative. Say, that was exciting.

Then pacfandave continued: "But I like living in a capitalistic society, where laws are formulated in the Legislature, not the Judicial; where there is no direct assault on personal income in an effort to redistribute wealth; where this country is not a laughingstock among others."

Uh bubelah, have you been to a gas station lately? Have you noticed your "wealth" has been redistributed to the oil companies?

As well, in about another 240 days or so, the laughingstock era will come to a thankful end once the Alfred E. Neuman of Crawford returns to that dreadful ranch.

Another writer, finative2 (where do these ridiculous handles come from?) weighed in on Obama with: "He is by far the ultimate public speaker of any candidate from either party that ran.

"He's better than Bill Clinton was in his hey day," finative2 mused. "He is also excellent at pandering to the crowd."

You're quite right, it was some darn fine pandering, which is sort of the point of a political speech delivered in front of nearly 20,000 delirious faithful. What did you expect Obama to do? Read the Warren Report?

But as wonderfully delivered as Obama's pandering was, it paled in comparison to John McCain's first-rate pandering to South Florida Cubans a few days ago, when he praised the Cuban embargo, which has driven Fidel Castro from power, crushed the Communist state, restored democracy and uh, er, well, never mind.

Down The Storm Drain

Responding to a recent column on the Florida Democratic primary kerfuffle, drdneast revealed he has the attention span of a storm drain.

"Can't understand why you continue to ignore the fact that it was a Republican-dominated House and Senate that changed the primary date under the leadership of Marco Rubio after the Democratic Party warned them not to," drdneast wrote.

Dear treasured reader, I have referred frequently to the fact that there are more Republican fingerprints on this deal than on Paris Hilton after a night with the Sixth Fleet.

And, oh, by the way, do you honestly believe the Republicans in Tallahassee gave a rat's patootie about a bunch of whining Democrats?

Room To Grieve

A number of you were generous enough to support a column on the passing of Bell Shoals Baptist Church pastor Forrest Pollock and his son, which took to task anonymous creeps who attacked the minister.

"Thank you for this column today," wrote griefinbrandon. "I appreciate the kindness towards the pastor and his family."

"I'm pretty sure what goes around comes around, somehow, some way even if you are hiding behind an alias," wrote kerryfla. "Even if I'm wrong, people who spew this kind of vile at every event that occurs are certainly not doing anything to make the world ... a better place."

Friend Or Foe?

Finally there was this letter postmarked from the Planet Zircon 9.

"President Bush has done so much to save us from the terrorists that he needs to write a book about it." Wow, imagine the first presidential memoir written in crayon!

"Name some of the people who is doing the work of our enemies, your name more than likely will be in it." Oh you flatterer, you.

Then there was this concluding drivel.

"Since I don't sign my name you have no idea whether I'm friend or foe of yours."

That would assume first of all that I care.

"Let's keep it that way for when you spread the poison in your writing as you do. To keep you guessing is my reward."

Yeah? My reward rolls around every evening around 6 p.m. and it involves clinking ice cubes. I bet my reward is more fun.

Nice try, sir or madam. You're simply another gutless coward who is afraid of your own name. And you have plenty of company.

Keyword: Book of Ruth,

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