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Naked Maid Cleaned Up All The Bare Facts

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By STEVE OTTO

The Tampa Tribune

Published: May 30, 2008

Gas prices? We'll stay home. Presidential race? We still have five more months of that to go. Deepening recession? Break out the credit cards.

Besides, it's Friday, and I know what you want to read and it's not another story about how much gas is going to cost you this weekend, who has the most superdelegates or whether we are or are not in a recession.

You want to know about the mystery of the week. You want to know: How did the naked maid steal $40,000 in jewelry? I mean, where did she stash it?

I'm sure you read the story about the 50-year-old man who hired a nude maid to clean his house in Cheval while his wife was away on vacation last Friday. Or at least it was his house before his wife got home.

According to the article, the man hired the woman from a nude maid service online. I didn't even know they had such things, but it certainly seems like a reliable enough way to get a good cleaning service.

Describing what happened later to sheriff's deputies, he said the maid showed up in a one-piece dress, took it off and went to work cleaning the house.

The $100-an-hour agreement was to clean all four bedrooms and three baths.

It isn't clear whether she was supposed to strip down the linens or just her dress. She also probably didn't do windows but was otherwise able to handle anything that needed a good buff.

Cleaning Up And Cleaning Out

Anyhow, the maid went right to work. The man, obviously impressed at her ability to polish everything in sight, says he kept an eye on her all the while she was there, except for one brief moment when he left her alone in one of the bedrooms, probably to get more soap.

When she finished, she dressed and left.

It was not until later when his wife came home and found the house sparkly clean with no empty pizza boxes or beer cans around that she must have figured something was up. Looking further, she discovered that $40,000 in jewelry was missing,

That's when the man, obviously trying to get his wife's mind off the missing valuables, said that it must have been the naked maid who not only tidied up the house but cleaned out the jewelry box.

Keep Your Shirt On

Personally, I don't know whether I buy this one. I've never had the Frau take a vacation by herself, but she has gone off to the mall with friends to go shopping and not come back until well after dark, giving me plenty of time to mess up the house. Usually she calls when she's about 20 minutes out, giving me time to dump everything in black trash bags and tidy up the house enough that I can blame the rest on the dogs.

I really never gave much thought to bringing in a maid, much less a naked one. We've had a few workers around over the years and even a couple of cleaning ladies, although I'm not so sure I would want any of them to show up naked.

Frankly I think the guy was just trying to surprise his wife and do a good turn by bringing in a cleaning service. Lots of people around here, at least from some of the stories I've been reading lately, like to work without any clothes on.

At least, the sheriff's office apparently has a good lead as the victim was able to describe the maid in some detail.

Keyword: Otto Graphs, to read and comment on Steve Otto's blog.

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