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Kids Have Sense Of Economic Situation

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By DONNA KOEHN

dkoehn@tampatrib.com

Published: November 23, 2008

Fretting about the economy and wondering how to make ends meet, some parents think they should protect their children from the bad news.

Kids, the experts say, usually figure things out anyway.

Take this excerpt from a letter sent to The Tampa Tribune from Gabrielle Mangru, a 16-year-old junior at Alonso High School:

"This economic disaster is forcing us to give up lifelong dreams and face cold, hard reality. So if adults think that all we discuss in our free time is relationships, gossip and parties, they are very wrong."

Mangru says she and her classmates are deeply concerned about their future. Already feeling pressure to do well on SATs and in their Advanced Placement classes, many have begun to fear they won't get into increasingly competitive colleges or that their parents will lack money to send them.

"We're talking about colleges all the time now, and we're always going through the scholarship folders at school, looking for anything that could help," she says.

Keeping youngsters in the dark about a family's financial struggles is not a good idea, says Beth Garn, a family economics professor at the University of Utah.

"It's true that kids are being heavily impacted," she says. "They definitely can pick up on it. The best approach is to be direct. If you have to cut back on extras, explain why - that money is a little tight.

"But you have to reassure them that they will be taken care of."

Eric Storch, an associate professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at the University of South Florida, says parents' stress is "absolutely trickling down to kids."

"Talk to your family about what's going on," he says. "But don't scare the wits out of them. Reiterate the importance of being together; explain that we're going to get through this together."

Parents must keep the child's age in mind. Even the language used can be unsettling to younger children.

"Don't make reference to 'losing our shirts,' as the child might take that literally," Garn says.

Avoid using the word "fired" as well; some children might assume that means getting shot at.

"If you have the news on, try to get into your kid's mind to interpret it as he or she might," Garn says. "Children might come away thinking they're going to be orphans. Never tell them, 'Don't worry about that.' They need to discuss their worries so you can help them cope."

Younger children might assume they are responsible for a family's woes. But even teenagers will feel guilty if they think they have hurt the family budget, Garn says.

Teenagers are capable of understanding - and doing their part to help.

Mangru says she knows of many fellow students who carpool now, put off from driving by the price of gas and insurance. Many are looking for jobs to try to take some of the burden off their parents. There's a lot of competition for those, she says.

"Now I go through the paper looking for sales," Mangru says. "We're like, 'Oh, Kohl's is having a sale!' That's where we go on Friday nights instead of going out."

If parents have to cut back on extracurricular activities such as music lessons and Little League, they need to explain to children that they will find other ways of having fun, Storch says.

"Maybe you can ask them to help you come up with things to do that don't cost as much," he says. "Maybe have a family board game night, or have races or play basketball."

Telling your kids you have not handled money well can be difficult, Garn says.

"Parents may have to say they've made mistakes, although they don't have to give out too much detail. It's a good time to tell children that we as parents are going to learn how to do better, and that the kids can learn along with us."

Children as young as 5 can begin receiving a small allowance and learning how to save, Garn says.

Even parents facing foreclosure need to be matter-of-fact with their kids.

"You can't gloss over that," Storch says. "But you can tell them you'll always have a place to live and good food to eat, and that you'll always be there to love them."

Reporter Donna Koehn can be reached at (813) 259-8264.

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