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Floridians Undervalue Me

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By DAVID FERNANDEZ

The Tampa Tribune

Published: November 25, 2008

Ever since Election Day I have been angry. I have been angry that people who do not know me have voted against me. I have been angry that my state, the state where I was born and reared, will not afford me the same rights and privileges that others (even non-native Floridians) enjoy.

I have been angry that my life is undervalued in the only place I have ever known and called home. I am angry that all of this is because of one character trait, one tiny part of me that I can no more control than a person can change the color of his skin.

All of this because I am gay.

My name is David, I am 42-years old and the youngest of four children. My mother was a teacher and my father an engineer. I had a happy childhood, including all the benchmarks of growing up in the 1970s.

I am a Floridian by birth, as were both of my parents, three of my four grandparents, and at least two of my great-grandparents. My family traces its history in Florida back to the 1800s.

We are not a renowned family. Our surnames don't adorn streets, buildings, or inspire legacies. We don't make it into the newspapers aside from birth, marriage or death announcements.

But we are the builders of our city. The butchers, the bakers, and the candlestick makers. We drive the city forward. And, I can say with assurance that if you have lived in Tampa for any length of time, you have interacted with my family.

I met my partner, also a native Floridian, in 1994 and we have been together ever since.

We have hit all of the milestones that make for a successful relationship. We dated, fell in love and moved in together. We had that first crummy apartment. And then found our current home which is almost paid for (without any government handout - I'm sorry, I mean bailout).

We started a family. Our son currently attends public school where he is consistently in the top 2 percent of his class. We are both gainfully employed and own all the trappings of a successful middle-class family.

In essence we have paid our dues and are trying to realize the American dream. I don't believe we are any different from the millions of other 40-something couples who are trying to achieve the same things.

However, there is a dark side to all we have accomplished. Even with everything my partner and I have earned, achieved, and worked for, there is always the fear that all of it, every single bit of it can be taken away. My entire life can be ruined not for anything I have done or for any crime I may have committed but because I possess one tiny character trait.

To me, I have done the honorable thing. I have chosen not to live my life as a lie but to live it quietly and honestly. I do my part as every citizen should by trying to make the world a better place. And then I go home! I don't march in parades or wave flags or flaunt my life in your face.

Now I ask you, "Before you read this, did you even know I existed? Does the fact that you now know I am in a "gay" relationship change your life even one single bit?"

Yet, you walked into a voting both and condemned me to second class citizenship!

Well, just so you really understand, that "gay" relationship that hasn't changed your life is actually a gay marriage. Yes, we are married. It wasn't the way I hoped it would be. And certainly not where I wanted it performed. The certificate doesn't even say "Florida," and even though 62 percent of you would never understand, I find that the saddest part of all.

David Fernandez lives in Tampa.

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