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Pardon? Pennington Peppers Me For Being Feeney Meanie? Pshaw!

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: October 5, 2008

It was an obviously piqued and perturbed Pepper Pennington who pugnaciously propagated a pejoratively passionate passing shot over a recent column about her boss, Rep. Tom Feeney, R-Pawn.

"After reading your column, I planned on giving you the same treatment that you extended my boss and call you a vulgar name," a fairly peeved Pepper Pennington puckered. "But I stopped because I feel so sorry for your miserable existence and the shame your family and colleagues must feel for being associated with you."

Say, that was mighty piquant of Pepper Pennington, who is the press apparatchik for Feeney's re-election campaign, which has been dogged by a scandal involving the congressman accepting a $20,000 golf treat to Scotland courtesy of none other than the now imprisoned lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

The term that so appalled Pepper Pennington was the suggestion in the column that Feeney, R-Panhandler, was simply a lying, fibbing, prevaricating pinhead.

Feeney has taken to the airwaves in his Oviedo-area district to pout that his glomming on to Abramoff's frequent flier card was nothing more than a "rookie mistake" made by a newbie congressman unfamiliar with the bizarre rituals of Washington.

To which one can only say to Pepper Pennington: Piffle!

By the time Feeney had landed in Washington, he had served in the Florida Legislature since 1990, including a term as House speaker, in addition to serving as Jeb Bush's running mate during his ill-fated 1994 gubernatorial race.

Rookie? This dope was about as much of a political rookie as the Mayflower Madam.

As for the shame of my colleagues in having to work with me, well, I'm reminded of that old line that every editor should have a pimp for a brother so he can have someone to look up to. I suppose I serve the same function among my ink-stained brethren.

Pat-Down Put-Down

This space also heard from John Cornacchia, who wanted to remind me that: "It had been a while since I commented on your senseless column."
Cornacchia responded to a recent column about the NFL-mandated policy requiring the poor souls wishing to enter Hellooooo Sucker! Stadium to subject themselves to pat-downs by rent-a-cops.

"As a former ticket holder I was against the pat down because it will serve no purpose, the manner in which the search is conducted will not prevent any weapons of mass destruction that present inspections would not detect," Cornacchia wrote of the senseless column he was now agreeing with. Go figure.

When Ship Of State's Sinking - Bail!

A column on the proposed $700 billion federal government bailout of the financial markets prompted Patricia Hendricks to note: "I enjoy your columns and especially your take on the financial mess we are in - but my question is - where is the outcry for an investigation of all this?

"I'm sure jailed Enron administrators are watching and maybe wondering the same question," she wrote.

And she's quite right. Indeed, former Enron executive Jeffrey Skilling has plenty of time to think about her question in prison - 24 years. And he could probably use some company.

Edward Wilkes, who wanted to show off what a smarty-pants he is, reacted to the bailout column with this: "Ayn Rand included these two ideas in her philosophy: 1) Man must subdue nature in order to live well and 2) Man must not touch capital markets.

"And the biggest joke of all is that her groupies aren't objective enough to detect the inconsistency of her 'logic.'"

I have to admit, Edward, you have the better of me here. I've always believed the only literary value of Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" is its contribution as one of the greatest doorstops that's ever been published. It also comes in handy as an anchor, a sandbag and/or a car jack.

Another recent column, on the cheesy propaganda video "Obsession," which is designed to scare the living bejabbers out of you with images of worldwide radical Islamic violence lurking behind every shrubbery, is still attracting a number of responses.

But perhaps it might be best to conclude with this e-mail from Khatija Ravat of Tampa, who wrote: "Thank you, as a Muslim we appreciate all the help we can get these days, especially when there are so many prejudiced people trying to label all Muslims as terrorists and war hungry.

"It makes the heart feel lighter to know there are people out there, who still care for justice and peace.

"God bless you and God bless America!"

Obviously, Khatija, you've never met the pithy Pepper Pennington.

Keyword: Book of Ruth, to read and comment on Daniel Ruth's blog. Or, beginning next Sunday, tune into News/Talk AM 820 WWBA from 1 to 3 p.m. to listen to his radio show.

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