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Political Sign Snatching Is An Old Tradition

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Daniel Ruth

The Tampa Tribune

Published: October 11, 2008

It's probably fair to say this wasn't exactly a Founding Fathers moment.

"I want you to write a column about this," fumed retired Hillsborough County teacher Frank Perez. OK. A column about what?

"Someone keeps ripping up my Obama yard signs," Perez muttered.

It was simply a wild, crazy, out-on-a-limb "Columbo"-esque guess, but it seemed a relatively safe deduction that the culprit skulking around Perez's property in the dead of night waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting Obama/Biden yard signs just might hold an allegiance to the presidential campaign of John McCain.

But I could be wrong. Maybe the yard sign desperado was a Bob Barr supporter or maybe one of those sneaky Ralph Nader types. Why, the list of suspects might well rival those in "Murder On the Orient Express."

Wasn't this precious? As if a few henscratchings on my part would somehow bring an end to Perez's First Amendment nightmare.

Ticker-Tape Parade

While Perez's delusional faith in the influence of this space was greatly appreciated, alas, I had to inform the educator that exposing his problem on my part would probably lead to his yard looking like a ticker-tape parade had just traipsed across his lawn.

You likely won't find this in the Federalist Papers, but we have entered that witching hour of the election season that brings out all manner of dopes, chuckleheads and political henchmen who believe turning someone's yard sign into confetti is going to affect voter turnout.

You may now roll your eyes.

It's possible there are McCain supporters who also have had their yard signs vandalized. And there are probably many of you with bumper stickers advocating your presidential choice who have been treated to that international single-finger gesture for ... uh, "Have a nice day."
Political Tradition
Falling back on my studies as a political science student, as well as many years covering campaigns, candidates and election days, I endeavored to provide Perez with a highly technical, scholarly explanation for his yard sign plight.

Basically, I tutored Perez that while it is a lovely thought to regard elections as if they are something out of Plato's Republic, the reality is that many folks in the body politic are dumber than a sack of lipsticks.

And while it is hardly a shining moment of Jeffersonian democracy, the destruction of yard signs and other forms of hustings expression is as old an American tradition as blowing up one's own headquarters to blame it on one's opponent, accusing a candidate of fathering a black child just prior to the South Carolina primary, or dropping dark hints that a particular pol is really an Islamic terrorist.

Well, what then, was a chap like Frank Perez to do?

This did not rise to an Age of Enlightenment suggestion, but perhaps Perez might want to think about getting another sign. And when that one gets torn apart - which it will - he could leave the detritus in his yard and at the risk of having his lawn begin to look like a landfill, put another one up.

Or I mused that Perez could save himself a lot of grief and simply place his sign in his living room window.

Or maybe not. Bricks. Bad idea.

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