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Shake Your Bracelet And Spell Yourself

Photo by JADEN HAIR

Among the tasty dishes on her vacation was the Club Med version of Salsa Mexicana.

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By JADEN HAIR Tribune correspondent

The Tampa Tribune

Published: October 24, 2008

If I had to choose between driving or being driven, I will always choose to be a passenger - but with steering rights and the final decision on the destination. Oh, and exclusive access to the horn, radio, air conditioner, GPS and windows.

OK, I admit that I'm a control freak who doesn't like people to think I'm a control freak - but it's pretty obvious to anyone within earshot, eyeshot or e-mail-shot of me. It's the reason I've never been to an all-inclusive resort. The thought of my environment, activities and food choices already planned out and decided for me is just too much for me to handle without some sort of divine intervention or straightjacket.

But an entire summer of writing deadlines really did a number on my stress level. I began looking more and more like Cruella every day, which does absolutely nothing for my sex life and is why that photo of me right up there is an old one from last year.

It wasn't a minute after Scott said to me, "Honey, you need a vacation," when (ding!) an e-mail came though inviting me to Club Med for its Food and Wine Festival in Ixtapa, Mexico. I relented only after being fitted for a straight jacket disguised as a really long, stiff apron, and Scott and the kids kissed me goodbye.

Within 10 seconds of arriving on the property, I was handed a cool lime spritzer; my luggage was teased out of my white-knuckled hands (That little plane we flew in on? My espresso machine had more horsepower.); and a plastic bracelet was snapped on my left wrist. That bracelet was magic. It got me all the rum mojitos I could possibly drink, as much food as I wanted at any time of the day, and activities such as sailing, kayaking, archery and hammocking. Yes, hammocking is now a verb and a sporting activity - especially getting in, adjusting to and getting out. Have you ever had a hammock wedgie?

Six days of relaxing, laughing, wining and dining totally converted me into letting go of control. Anytime I felt that stress meter inch up, I just had to flash my magic bracelet and bam! Pina coladas! Chips and salsa! Pork tacos! Fluffy towels! Another chocolate eclair? Don't mind if I do!

Twelve award-winning chefs were flown in to conduct cooking demos and mixology classes. Each evening, we indulged in a four-course tasting menu prepared by the visiting chefs. The food and wine weeks at Club Med continue through May at different resorts. The best part is there is no additional charge for participation in the demos and dinners; it's all part of your stay at the resort. And, yes, even though I've been back for four days, I'm still wearing my magic bracelet - though when I waved it at the bartender at Carrabba's, he thought I escaped from the hospital.

Not quite the same effect I was hoping for.

CLUB MED IXTAPA'S SALSA MEXICANA

2 large tomatoes (about 1 pound), cored and diced in 1/4-inch pieces

1/4 cup finely diced red onion

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh cilantro

1 jalapeno pepper, finely minced (leave the seeds in for extra spice; scrape them out for a milder salsa)

1 small clove garlic, finely chopped

1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste

Toss all ingredients in a small bowl and let stand at least 1/2 hour before serving.

The salsa can be made and refrigerated up to a day in advance. Drain off excess liquid and season to taste with salt before serving.

Makes 4 servings.

CLUB MED IXTAPA'S GUACAMOLE

The perfect complement for tortilla chips and cold cervezas.

3 ripe avocados

1 plum tomato, diced

1/4 cup finely diced onion

1/2 serrano pepper, finely diced

1/2 lime, freshly squeezed

Salt and pepper, to taste

Peel and pit the avocados. Leave the pits in the bowl; this is a Mexican secret to help slow the oxidation process. Gently mash. Combine all ingredients in a small mixing bowl. Mix with a wooden or plastic spatula, for best results, mix by hand. Serve immediately or keep in the refrigerator for up to 12 hours. Either way, just before serving, squeeze a fresh lime on top of the guacamole to slow the oxidation process.

Makes 4 servings.

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