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Diner Beef Sliders: The Slam-Dunk Of Utility Food

Photo by MICHELLE BAKER

No need to get fancy: In the end, practicality prevails in what could be the best-tasting slider recipe ever.

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By GREG and MICHELLE BAKER

The Tampa Tribune

Published: September 9, 2008

From time to time, a gnawing starts at the pit of one's soul (meaning stomach, of course) that simply cannot be sated by complexity and top quality ingredients. There is a time and a place for everything, and these times call for utility food.

You may be asking, "What in the wide world of sports is 'utility food'?" Well, at its most basic level, utility food is simple yet delicious food that you really don't want to get caught eating - if you want to keep your "street cred."

Anthony Bourdain made reference to "utility pizza." We've broadened it to utility food: a bratwurst straight from a beer Jacuzzi, a dirty water hot dog from a street cart, a slice of New York-style pizza so greasy from cheap pepperoni that your wrist is stained orange from the runoff.

These, friends, are fine examples of said food group. It's the Miller High Life of the food world - working class to the bone, but tasty; oh, so tasty.

The other day, while wandering the supermarket for the next "killer app" to bring to you, our loyal readers, we went down the rabbit hole and came up with plain old sliders. Sliders - you know, the little greasy hamburgers that made White Castle famous.

We racked our minds in vain attempts to dress these little buggers up: Wagyu beef, mamey mayo, harissa ketchup, then stuff them with truffle butter or even short ribs, a la Boulud. In the end, practicality prevailed. Why smear lipstick on a pig? Why take something so utilitarian and pure on its own and try to improve it when in our hearts we just want something simple?

In the end, ground chuck, shaved Vidalia sweet onions, good Irish cheddar, potato rolls from Publix, the easiest method and probably the best-tasting slider recipe EVER were really all that was called for.

Michelle's never-say-die slider technique, a bit of cheap beer and a little encouragement from Fisty the cat rounded out the missing elements.

Video of the amazing transformation from humble ingredients to decadent, yet utilitarian (Can these two adjectives exist side by side? Well, we believe that they are not mutually exclusive, and that's all that really counts.) handfuls of greasy goodness can be found at www.culinarysherpas.com.

CRAZY ADDICTIVE DINER SLIDERS

1 tablespoons canola oil

1 sweet onion, sliced thin (use a mandoline, if you have one)

2 pounds ground chuck (not sirloin, not 80 percent lean, just plain old ground chuck)

12 slices sharp cheddar cheese

12 potato rolls

Sea or kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Some good, cheap beer

In a saute pan, over medium heat, add the canola oil and the onions. Saute the onions until just starting to brown, then set aside to cool.

Form the ground chuck into 12 equal-sized balls, and season with salt and pepper.

Heat a large cast-iron skillet over medium heat (cast iron is nonnegotiable), and place the balls into the skillet. You should hear a loud instant sizzle. If you do not, pull those bad boys back out and wait for the pan to be hot enough.

Top each ball with sauteed onion, season with salt and pepper, and mash the ball flat with a spatula.

After 2 minutes, turn the sliders over, preserving the onions as you flip, mash flat with the spatula and cook for 2 minutes longer.

Carefully remove the sliders from the skillet, so that you don't lose the onions, and place inside of the potato rolls.

Top each slider with the cheddar cheese, place on a baking sheet, and heat in a preheated 400-degree oven for about 5 minutes to melt the cheese and crisp the rolls.

Remove from oven and enjoy - with the cheap beer.

Greg Baker is a classically trained executive chef with more than 20 years of trendsetting restaurant experience. Greg and Michelle are co-owners of Cooks and Company Personal Chef and Catering. Go to www.cooksncompany.com

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